"YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL" OOOH THANK YOU...SO ARE YOU.

We know that all too well don’t we? Someone pays you a compliment and instead of you just gracefully saying thank you, you grin and say “thanks, you too” cause you want to be nice right?! Or you quickly dismiss it by saying “eish wena mare” like it’s nothing or it doesn’t mean anything to you, and just like that you have rejected love and appreciation without even bating an eyelid, such a pity.

It’s also this thing of teaching people how to love or do anything by instilling fear or inflicting pain, our socialisation is flawed from the onset. We are taught to feel bad about ourselves, to downplay our achievements or to be apologetic  about what have, how else can you explain the knee jerk reaction to negativity so many of us have soon as positive energy is directed our way? Having kids will show you just how much society impacts and affects how we see ourselves, what we believe we are worth and how we accept abuse just because we have been led to believe that we deserve it.  They live in the moment, appreciating each warm gesture and always spreading love, they live their truth.

Okay back to the topic at hand before I start going on and on about my girls, here goes…What is so difficult with saying “thank you, I appreciate it” instead we go on and on about how “it’s nothing”  even if it means the world to us , we say things like “this old thing, I’ve had it for years”  while referring to  something that is far from looking raggedy  and last but not least “I am actually not that good at this, you should see so and so...” when someone praises our skills and abilities.

The amazing thing with all these behaviours that do nothing except to make us doubt who we are and always question what we know, is that they are universal, and now because of technology negativity is already up and about before you have even brushed your teeth waiting you to log on to the world. I can’t help but wonder though, who teaches us that we are not worthy? Could it be that the reason we have such a negative knee jerk reaction to compliments is because we don’t hear them enough from home, so when you hear them outside of home, they are foreign to us? Does accepting a compliment translate into vanity? Does it make one an ego maniac to say “yes I actually worked hard on this therefore I deserve to win” is the line between self –confidence and arrogance that thin that things tend to get blurry?

One thing that womanhood has taught me is that I have to always try to recognise and appreciate my efforts, I have learned to accept compliments and not feel the need to “be nice” if that wasn’t my intention in the first place at the time. Don’t get me wrong, I am not implying that it’s wrong to pay back a compliment after someone has paid you one. But there is nothing as nauseating as a half arsed compliment accompanied by a fake smile, where it even appears as though the person is suffering from diarrhoea as they say it, that is just painful to watch and so unnecessary.

I do believe however that we need to learn to radiate positivity, to consciously unlearn what we have been taught by people who didn’t/ don’t have the faintest idea how a positive self-image affects a lot of things. It is through these small but collective efforts that we will be able to change our society and influence the world. So the next time someone pays you a compliment relish it, take it all in and say with the broadest of smiles thank you, then keep quiet.  You don’t have to pay back a compliment, and you don’t owe anyone anything just because they paid you a compliment, learn this know this engrave it in your heart and mind. Go out into the world spread the love it usually doesn’t cost a lot…LOL ;)