THE BIG 30...

So what is supposed to happen when 30 is a few months away and you haven't done any of the things that you supposedly should have done by the time you reach that age? 

What happens when your life didn't follow the plan as set out by people you don't know and will never meet?
What started this train of though was an article I read on “THINGS TO DO BEFORE YOU TURN THE BIG 30" I am not going to go over those things cause for me they are just ridiculous, So what happens after 30, do you now start counting the days to your demise? Life is complex enough as  it is without there being lists of things that label you a “loser”…I mean we are not of the same tree, how then can the fruit we bear be the same? how can our journey be the same when our path is not the same? why are there comparisons when even life doesn't deal us the same cards?

This also reminded me of how I always hear that “every girl” dreamt about their Matric farewell, how they plan for the day from Grade 8 and  how everything has to be perfect, the dress, the hair, makeup, shoes etc. This was news for me hey, I didn't know every girl did this, hell I wore pants and a cocktail top to my farewell dance cause a fluffy dress was just not practical for me. I wanted to get clothes I will be able to wear again when I want to, not a dress that is going to sit in the cupboard gathering dust. That’s more sensible right? right!

 I remember I told my friend that’s what I wanted to wear and she thought I was kidding, I  told my mom my plans and she was horrified and as I result my dad took me shopping, my mom tried to sway me saying how I’m not going to be half as beautiful as I would be if I were to wear a dress. Well I would be beautiful for me, right? And for me that’s all that’s mattered.

 The same thing happened when I decide 6 years ago to stop relaxing my hair, my mom was horrified to say the least  and I was adamant , I was done with burning my scalp and getting rid of the “growth” every time it reared its ugly head….LOL  The way I would get into a state when there was growth and my mom didn't have money for me to go to the salon so that I can get my hair fluffy and soft, man I would panic and for that whole week I would wear it in a bun. Hide the horror, such silliness. What was ironic is that my mom is not even into hair extensions and make up, so I didn't quite understand why she tried to talk me out of going back to being natural…ooor it could be the whole natural hair is hard to manage, looks messy …blah…blah…blah.. (check display to prove that is  lie)
Maybe I am the way that I am because I grew up with 3 brothers, this is why I wasn't dreaming of matric farewells or weddings pallets, I don’t even have scrap books be it on paper or committed to memory of things I have always wanted ( that are material ) since I was  a lil girl… I have always loved reading and I still do and since I prefer to express myself through writing, especially emotional matters, writing is my second love. All these other things are foreign to me.

OK  back to the topic at hand, being frantic about  growing old , not having 1…2…3 and whatever the hell else, do all these other things matter when your life didn't turn out how you would have liked but better cause you would have never imagined this (whatever this is for you) for yourself? Do you not celebrate all your other achievements and victories whilst still in pursuit of whatever else is out there for you to discover, isn't that what living is? So you have “all” that you want except for the IT things on other peoples list, and  when you lie awake at night taking stock and giving thanks, all those other things you don’t even think about cause they just not for you…

This is the year I turn the big 30...(insert dramatic music) What big 30? its the duuurty 30's ...I can truly say I have never looked and felt better (again check displayed  pic for confirmation)  for me the build up to my 30’s has been IT, when you begin understanding yourself a bit more, when you look in the mirror and you see all that makes you beautiful and everything else in between... you don’t notice the flaws first like you used to earlier on in your teens and early twenties, you have grown to love that mole, those freckles cause hey they are you.

Among other things having peace in your life is of outmost importance to you, and you consciously choose people you want to have in your space, and disregard anything and everyone that has you questioning what you know in your heart to be your truth, the journey has been IT for me, the experiences, the gift of life…everything else is just secondary. So if you happen to find yourself gasping for air cause you turning 30…35...45..Just remember it could have been worse, unlike some you are able to celebrate .

Its all love…

RELAX ITS GOING TO BE OK…

Why do we get so irritated when things don’t go away? Why is it that as human beings we get frustrated over the things we cannot control? We put ourselves under so much pressure.  Well hey maybe because we believe we are masters of the universe, the world is our oyster right? . When you go on about in your way and things don’t pen out the way you had envisioned, how could you have possibly known that the outcome will lead to heartache and pain? Of course you didn't, you just did at the time what made sense to you, otherwise why would you set yourself up like that? 
There are so many things in life that have left me exhausted, exhausted because I had gone over them over and over asking myself how  could I have been so DUMB?

I mean it was obvious that to anyone with a brain that “THIS” will not work out!!! WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING!  What I failed to realize during this “you are such a moron session” was that the reason I was able to point out the errs in my judgement was because I was not the same person I was when I acted “stupidly”, I had shed that skin, I was a new being now, I had grown and matured, and this was evident because I was able to look back and question the motives behind my actions.  I had gained new powers and had new insight; I had new formed understanding of who I was …

The only problem was that I couldn't realize the strength that was brought on by those moments of weaknesses or errors in judgement, because I was beating myself up for not knowing what’s going to happen next. How insanely arrogant is that? In the grand scheme of things who the hell am i?  I will always be thankful for the day I stopped judging myself and treating myself unfairly, it was as though a load was lifted from my shoulders, I was able to look myself in the mirror and see me for who I was not the mistakes I had made, I started to look at myself through my mother’s eyes, you know how your mother will love you regardless and see the best in you even when you fail?! That wisdom that mothers have come with years and years of trial and error, they know through miscalculations and misguided actions that in the end things always work out, Stop beating yourself up. I began to love myself, really love myself, not the idea of me, but the person I was within when I’m not trying to fit into societal molds It’s amazing what self-love can do, it can open you up to a world you never knew existed, a world where you are human.  Human in a sense that you are not a supreme being, you don’t have all the answers, at any given moment the only thing you can do and are able to do is your best, nothing more, nothing less.

Sometimes we choose to do less than we are capable of doing because our hearts are not in whatever is keeping us busy at the time, so our focus is in turn split. One of the things that have been revealed to me during my quiet moments is that we always, always know what’s best for us, the only problem is that often times we ignore what we know for sure, we suppress our needs so that we can please others or gain favour with the masses, then we go out of character.  Sometimes you haven’t really experienced life, therefore you are unable to connect the dots, for instance you should know that if you want to have kids that will, let’s say help you in your old age, you should take care of them now, nurture them and shower them with love, teach them about love and generosity through your actions, when they are older they will be to you what you were to them.   You will be able to cultivate from them what you planted…That is the connection.

The wonderful thing with being human is that we are blessed with a functioning brain that is able to think critically, the only catch is that you have to train it to think all the time, to question, probe and seek knowledge far beyond what it can currently comprehend. It’s OK that you don’t have all the answers that the only thing you know for certain is that you are alive at that present moment, as I’m writing this that’s what I know for sure , that i am alive, what I choose to do with this knowledge is what the world looks at and in turn judges us on. The mere existence of this knowledge counts for nothing, if I am not willing to use it to my advantage, I don’t even have to have special abilities, those I can learn along the way, what is needed is the willingness to learn , to be teachable to improve.

Everything in the world came into existence because someone thought of it. They thought about it and set on the path of making this thought tangible, they didn't have a crystal ball showing them exactly how things were going to pen out for them; they just went with what they knew for sure in their hearts. The recognition by the others is purely coincidental, because one doesn't always get recognition for their efforts, this shouldn't deter you from bringing forth what lies beneath, when the moment is right and the stars have aligned the accolades will follow, it’s just that sometimes you may not be alive to busk in the glory, you fulfilled your purpose, its legacy will be the spoils enjoyed by your seeds.

Part of the reason life is so stressful is due to the fact that we want to control every single aspect of our lives, we want to know what is going to happen next, we want to strategize our next move, macro manage everything life throws at us, and wonder why we are bodies are  imbibed with aches and pains. We forget to just BE, lead a life of always doing, we are encouraged to be movers and shakers, to be thought leaders, to develop new ideas and be innovators, but no one is encouraging us to just BE.  It’s all good and well to be great but sometimes you just need to be...BE ALIVE..BE HAPPY… just BE and breathe.

You know that feeling of relief you get when you breathe in and out, and let go of every single thing that you have been carrying with you along the way? That feeling of release that is what being human is at its most basic level. Inhaling in the goodness and exhaling what no longer serves us, now we do the opposite we breathe  in some good and  we  forget to  exhale what we no longer require., over time our system begins to slow down, because it can no longer function at its optimum  level, all the baggage we have as nooks around our necks begins to suffocate us, our breathing starts to get shallow as a result, we experience pain with every breath taken , we get sick, burn out, fall into a depression,  we in turn resort to using substances to help us cope but somehow nothing changes.  Nothing will change until such a time we let go of all the toxins (in whatever shape or form) harming us. 

Letting go is by no means giving up, letting go is a gift of freedom you give yourself to say did my best, and at this point I don’t have the knowledge or the resources to handle THIS, when I know better I will do better. For now I have given it my all, I need to regroup, remove myself from the situation and see if I won’t gain new insight, and during this process , the words that you should be murmuring to yourself as you try a new path is that RELAX ITS GOING TO BE OK… A phoenix rising always rises from its ashes, with no scars or blemishes... ;)

MEDITATION! I have been saying for years how I want to learn how to relax and meditate, quiet the mind and just breathe. A number of times I found myself sitting there in my imperfect Chinese pose-trying to relax, first of all it’s pretty hard to try to relax when you are sitting in a position you or your muscles are not used to, now your focus is shifted and you keep thinking how uncomfortable you are feeling. When you finally manage to sit, without toppling over you already feel like you have been trying to meditate for too long now, so you quit and make plans to try again either later on or tomorrow.

See unlike stuffing ones face with junk, lazing around on the couch and being a major worm, training the body and mind doesn’t come easy, it requires effort, and a lot of times this effort takes its own time to show results and as luck would have it we want quick fixes. So waiting it out is not for the faint hearted or the weak-willed. It’s quite amazing though how hard it is to quiet one’s mind and just breathe there is always something we are thinking about, fretting over or calculating, one hardly ever gets a chance to just sit back relax and allow all thoughts to dissipate. Our attention is always required be it urgent or not, someone always needs you for something, whether you like it or not. I don't even think we actually know how to, I don't remember being taught how to relax, I do know though that people will keep on telling you "you need to relax" but they never go into detail, just how you are supposed to do that.

I have decided that this year, this month, from now on... (No, this is not a resolution) I am going to learn to relax, breathe and let go, I am going to connect to my spirit and just find inner peace-Kung Fu Panda style. I think the key to meditation and relaxation is letting go of the control and power we "need" to have over things, people and situations, when you are able to do that, then you can be able to quiet the mind and be at peace. I’m going to start now after I’m done posting this and see how relaxing my jaw, straightening my back and breathing helps me relax, then again that may prove difficult seeing that I am not in an environment conducive for meditation. Nonetheless I’m going to try, that is the first step to everything that later proves worthwhile right?! With that said let me get to relaxing, I suggest you do the same and remember to breathe.

usaaahhh!!!

 

WOMAN vs FOOD... fighting the BULGE!

You shout in frustration I swear to God if I have to tuck this tummy into my jeans one more time I’m going to scream, pull my hair, lose my mind or die, gosh I can’t deal. Funny thing is the frustration is not enough to make you do anything about this flabby chunk of skin you hate, you have actually found ways to deal with it, and you buy clothes to accommodate it. You just hate saying how much it frustrates you so that other people know that you “can’t stand it”, and you are “trying “to do something about it, even if you are not. I am yet to hear someone say I swear to God if I have to jump up and down like this , just so I can button these pants without passing out I swear, I’m going to start running, I’m going to work out, I’m going to watch what I eat... I have never. We just love being frustrated I suppose that is enough effort.

 Then there’s those women who don’t work out, because they have “accepted their curves” they love themselves as they are, who are you kidding honey?! Well we are all curvy one way or the other, just in different places. Curves as I understand are boobs, hips and booty, that’s what people refer to when they talk about curves.  A bulging tummy is NOT a curve, it is excess skin that shouldn't be there, because it messes the beautiful female form, it hides your waist, which is one of the defining features a woman has.

To a point I know how it is having a big tummy, if pregnancy is anything to go by, it’s uncomfortable, and finding flattering clothes that highlight your other features whilst hiding the big tummy is a mission. I know having a tummy and being pregnant are two different things but its close enough, as some women don’t lose the pregnancy look years after the baby has been born, the baby fat remains. We will all hear about how she wasn't always this big, it’s the baby, 5 years down the line, Proof that we all hate the bulge. Question is then why do we choose to go on crash diets, skip meals, wear body suits that promise to accentuate our best features whilst hiding the bulging parts we don’t want everyone else to see?! Why do we go through all that drama,why fake a flat stomach and a toned booty? Well you may fake it during the day but at night you have to deal with your true self as you are, you will have to undress and let everything loose, you have to breathe after all, and those things can be unkind on your diaphragm. Why do we delay the process with contraptions that waste our time, instead of just dedicating two years of our lives to health and fitness, two years not 3 months? 

Then when you see a woman who has form and definition(from working out) you don’t have to detest how she looks, well because,  she unlike you is lucky, you look the way that you do due to your genes, you are big boned (no such thing). You quickly forget about your love for cupcakes and creamy doughnuts, how you can’t resist bacon slap chips, besides why should you stop eating what you love just because it’s apparently  not healthy for you? Why should you care about the snide remarks some people make about your weight, you are not bothered (even though you lash out)you love yourself and you have accepted who you are flaws and all…and if you really wanted to lose the weight you can do it anytime. Yeah right!

It is said that a 6 pack is made in the kitchen, which simply means you can work out all you want if you are not going to change what you eat, good luck reducing that waistline. I know that we don’t all have aspirations of having a 6 pack, but I do know for certain if someone was to tell us about a pill that you take for a week and it dissolves your tummy, there will no stock left on the shelves, because we know as women that a flabby tummy is not only unflattering it is also uncomfortable.  The majority of  us women do not want to exercise to achieve a flat tummy, if the money allows it we will even go under the knife, if only they didint leave all that excess, undesirable skin behind.

Wanting to look good is not about being attractive to the next person, being attractive is subjective and its differs from person to person, this is why you have to do it for yourself so that even if the object of your attraction leaves you don’t fall off the wagon, you continue looking after your body and doing what is best for it. Exercising is NOT easy to say the least, it takes commitment. You first have to convince your mind to get on board with the idea of straining your body just to have it looking a certain way.  Then you are have to watch what you eat, you have to make sure you don't consume more than you burn off, to avoid sugar and above all have limits. Know your body, do not over indulge. This is a total change in lifestyle, you now have to change your relationship with food, what it means to you, establish why do you eat more than you have to,  how you relate to food, this differs for every woman. Do you eat only for nourishment, and indulge every now and then, do you eat when you are bored to pass time, or do you eat to deal with stress and whatever emotional/personal issue? Know yourself .Therapists often say an addiction to food is one of the hardest and most challenging to overcome, because unlike alcohol and drugs we NEED to eat, we cannot live without food, basic need and all that. It won’t be easy know this, even people with petite physiques have to work their butts off if they want chiseled ABS, so why do you want it to be easy for you? 

I  personally I work out for health reasons, I don’t want to be dealing with chronic illnesses in my 40’s that seem to be the norm with our people, if I din inherit it from my parents I don't want to attain it on my own. So I would rather deal with the stress now in my 20’s than live a Eina, Eina life later on. After all it is said life begins at 40, so my body has to be on form so that I can enjoy every bit of it, keep up with my girls and not be out of breath after going up a flight of stairs, and I just hate how a flabby stomach looks, that's what motivates me. Best of luck to you, it can be done just remember you just need 2 years, don’t rush it , be kind to yourself... Maybe in two years I will have a 6 pack myself , here's to us.... 

It’s all love…