THE BIG 30...

So what is supposed to happen when 30 is a few months away and you haven't done any of the things that you supposedly should have done by the time you reach that age? 

What happens when your life didn't follow the plan as set out by people you don't know and will never meet?
What started this train of though was an article I read on “THINGS TO DO BEFORE YOU TURN THE BIG 30" I am not going to go over those things cause for me they are just ridiculous, So what happens after 30, do you now start counting the days to your demise? Life is complex enough as  it is without there being lists of things that label you a “loser”…I mean we are not of the same tree, how then can the fruit we bear be the same? how can our journey be the same when our path is not the same? why are there comparisons when even life doesn't deal us the same cards?

This also reminded me of how I always hear that “every girl” dreamt about their Matric farewell, how they plan for the day from Grade 8 and  how everything has to be perfect, the dress, the hair, makeup, shoes etc. This was news for me hey, I didn't know every girl did this, hell I wore pants and a cocktail top to my farewell dance cause a fluffy dress was just not practical for me. I wanted to get clothes I will be able to wear again when I want to, not a dress that is going to sit in the cupboard gathering dust. That’s more sensible right? right!

 I remember I told my friend that’s what I wanted to wear and she thought I was kidding, I  told my mom my plans and she was horrified and as I result my dad took me shopping, my mom tried to sway me saying how I’m not going to be half as beautiful as I would be if I were to wear a dress. Well I would be beautiful for me, right? And for me that’s all that’s mattered.

 The same thing happened when I decide 6 years ago to stop relaxing my hair, my mom was horrified to say the least  and I was adamant , I was done with burning my scalp and getting rid of the “growth” every time it reared its ugly head….LOL  The way I would get into a state when there was growth and my mom didn't have money for me to go to the salon so that I can get my hair fluffy and soft, man I would panic and for that whole week I would wear it in a bun. Hide the horror, such silliness. What was ironic is that my mom is not even into hair extensions and make up, so I didn't quite understand why she tried to talk me out of going back to being natural…ooor it could be the whole natural hair is hard to manage, looks messy …blah…blah…blah.. (check display to prove that is  lie)
Maybe I am the way that I am because I grew up with 3 brothers, this is why I wasn't dreaming of matric farewells or weddings pallets, I don’t even have scrap books be it on paper or committed to memory of things I have always wanted ( that are material ) since I was  a lil girl… I have always loved reading and I still do and since I prefer to express myself through writing, especially emotional matters, writing is my second love. All these other things are foreign to me.

OK  back to the topic at hand, being frantic about  growing old , not having 1…2…3 and whatever the hell else, do all these other things matter when your life didn't turn out how you would have liked but better cause you would have never imagined this (whatever this is for you) for yourself? Do you not celebrate all your other achievements and victories whilst still in pursuit of whatever else is out there for you to discover, isn't that what living is? So you have “all” that you want except for the IT things on other peoples list, and  when you lie awake at night taking stock and giving thanks, all those other things you don’t even think about cause they just not for you…

This is the year I turn the big 30...(insert dramatic music) What big 30? its the duuurty 30's ...I can truly say I have never looked and felt better (again check displayed  pic for confirmation)  for me the build up to my 30’s has been IT, when you begin understanding yourself a bit more, when you look in the mirror and you see all that makes you beautiful and everything else in between... you don’t notice the flaws first like you used to earlier on in your teens and early twenties, you have grown to love that mole, those freckles cause hey they are you.

Among other things having peace in your life is of outmost importance to you, and you consciously choose people you want to have in your space, and disregard anything and everyone that has you questioning what you know in your heart to be your truth, the journey has been IT for me, the experiences, the gift of life…everything else is just secondary. So if you happen to find yourself gasping for air cause you turning 30…35...45..Just remember it could have been worse, unlike some you are able to celebrate .

Its all love…