LEARN TO CONTROL THE THINGS YOU CAN....

Most of the things that happen to us in life are beyond our control, you know those unexpected situations when life hands you lemons, we all know  life happens and you have to deal with what you have been dealt, make the most of the situation you find yourself in, and do your out most best to not allow it to define you; rise above it all and come out unscathed  because we are not our situations right? well, not always but yeah.

This type of positive thinking is not always easy to accomplish, well actually its one of the hardest thing to do, give the other cheek when you have already been smacked hard, because things can go from bad to worse and you are just standing there thinking damn and you don't know what else to do except to wallow and pity yourself. What else can you do when the only thing you can smell is that all too familiar smell of defeat?! This thought came to me after I had posted a workout video online today and I received positive feedback, on how I'm taking this working out business seriously, and it had me thinking, well, exercising  falls within the realms of things I CAN control, its one of the things I do to take charge of my life, things that are withing my reach and require only positive action from me, so why shouldn't I do it? We spend countless hours, every minute of everyday actually obsessing over what may or may not happen, this is why we are so stressed and volatile as people, we are always worried about the unknown. 

Imagine for a second what would happen if you decide to take charge of the things you can and leave the rest to God, cause what else can you do right? Like I have already stated above life happens and you don't know what tomorrow has in store for you, but somethings don't have to happen to you, you can take charge and be in control, you can decide that you are going to live consciously  and stop going through the emotions, you will be vocal in your life and express dissatisfaction when you are not treated fairly, you will do more of the things you love and learn to put yourself first more often, you will invest in yourself and learn a new skill, you will be mindful of everything that you consume, you will take an active role in your health and well being, you will be kind to yourself, cause how else are others going to learn if you don't lead the way?

There are things that do not require the help of others or money for that matter they just require us to see the need and make time and follow through, keep the promises we make to ourselves, and not only talk about doing things but actually do them. You don't need money to express love to those around you, you just have to do it, with your actions, and I'm not talking  grand gestures and expensive gifts, a mere " I see all that you are doing and appreciate your efforts" is all that is needed at times to stop someone from going through the rails. The little things that mean the most, and have the biggest impact...

The key to getting anything done is your willingness to want do it for yourself first and foremost, other people should wager in as sources of motivation that keep you strong when the going gets tough, because if you just doing it for others and not yourself, when that sacrificial feeling leaves you, you will just abandon ship and move on to other things,  external motivation is not easily sustainable, always fleeting, of course this doesn't apply to everything because sometimes, actually often times its about doing what benefits others first and you second, and also things aren't always that clear cut and black and white, so the decision is not always so easy to make.

So my stance is this as I am writing this blog and sharing my thoughts with you, you have no control over your mortality or that of your loved ones, you cannot control the weather and you cannot control how others treat you, so because of these reasons and some that are known to you, this is why its important that we always try with all our might to control the things that we can control, things that don't require the assistance of others or money.  Money is always at the root of why we are unable to fulfill our promises to ourselves and others or see what we have started to the end, this is why we  need to pay special mind to the things that matter to us the most and may not necessarily matter to others,  things that make our eyes wonder and our hearts flutter, things that make you dream without reservations because for once you are living outside the bounds of reality and what may or not be possible given your situation, things that transport you back to childhood, to a time when you didn't know any better so you were inclined to follow your imagination and disregard reason, because life hadn't happened to you yet. Things that make you happy... Those are the things you need to control and take charge of.

Control those things that grow you...

THE BIG 30...

So what is supposed to happen when 30 is a few months away and you haven't done any of the things that you supposedly should have done by the time you reach that age? 

What happens when your life didn't follow the plan as set out by people you don't know and will never meet?
What started this train of though was an article I read on “THINGS TO DO BEFORE YOU TURN THE BIG 30" I am not going to go over those things cause for me they are just ridiculous, So what happens after 30, do you now start counting the days to your demise? Life is complex enough as  it is without there being lists of things that label you a “loser”…I mean we are not of the same tree, how then can the fruit we bear be the same? how can our journey be the same when our path is not the same? why are there comparisons when even life doesn't deal us the same cards?

This also reminded me of how I always hear that “every girl” dreamt about their Matric farewell, how they plan for the day from Grade 8 and  how everything has to be perfect, the dress, the hair, makeup, shoes etc. This was news for me hey, I didn't know every girl did this, hell I wore pants and a cocktail top to my farewell dance cause a fluffy dress was just not practical for me. I wanted to get clothes I will be able to wear again when I want to, not a dress that is going to sit in the cupboard gathering dust. That’s more sensible right? right!

 I remember I told my friend that’s what I wanted to wear and she thought I was kidding, I  told my mom my plans and she was horrified and as I result my dad took me shopping, my mom tried to sway me saying how I’m not going to be half as beautiful as I would be if I were to wear a dress. Well I would be beautiful for me, right? And for me that’s all that’s mattered.

 The same thing happened when I decide 6 years ago to stop relaxing my hair, my mom was horrified to say the least  and I was adamant , I was done with burning my scalp and getting rid of the “growth” every time it reared its ugly head….LOL  The way I would get into a state when there was growth and my mom didn't have money for me to go to the salon so that I can get my hair fluffy and soft, man I would panic and for that whole week I would wear it in a bun. Hide the horror, such silliness. What was ironic is that my mom is not even into hair extensions and make up, so I didn't quite understand why she tried to talk me out of going back to being natural…ooor it could be the whole natural hair is hard to manage, looks messy …blah…blah…blah.. (check display to prove that is  lie)
Maybe I am the way that I am because I grew up with 3 brothers, this is why I wasn't dreaming of matric farewells or weddings pallets, I don’t even have scrap books be it on paper or committed to memory of things I have always wanted ( that are material ) since I was  a lil girl… I have always loved reading and I still do and since I prefer to express myself through writing, especially emotional matters, writing is my second love. All these other things are foreign to me.

OK  back to the topic at hand, being frantic about  growing old , not having 1…2…3 and whatever the hell else, do all these other things matter when your life didn't turn out how you would have liked but better cause you would have never imagined this (whatever this is for you) for yourself? Do you not celebrate all your other achievements and victories whilst still in pursuit of whatever else is out there for you to discover, isn't that what living is? So you have “all” that you want except for the IT things on other peoples list, and  when you lie awake at night taking stock and giving thanks, all those other things you don’t even think about cause they just not for you…

This is the year I turn the big 30...(insert dramatic music) What big 30? its the duuurty 30's ...I can truly say I have never looked and felt better (again check displayed  pic for confirmation)  for me the build up to my 30’s has been IT, when you begin understanding yourself a bit more, when you look in the mirror and you see all that makes you beautiful and everything else in between... you don’t notice the flaws first like you used to earlier on in your teens and early twenties, you have grown to love that mole, those freckles cause hey they are you.

Among other things having peace in your life is of outmost importance to you, and you consciously choose people you want to have in your space, and disregard anything and everyone that has you questioning what you know in your heart to be your truth, the journey has been IT for me, the experiences, the gift of life…everything else is just secondary. So if you happen to find yourself gasping for air cause you turning 30…35...45..Just remember it could have been worse, unlike some you are able to celebrate .

Its all love…

RELAX ITS GOING TO BE OK…

Why do we get so irritated when things don’t go away? Why is it that as human beings we get frustrated over the things we cannot control? We put ourselves under so much pressure.  Well hey maybe because we believe we are masters of the universe, the world is our oyster right? . When you go on about in your way and things don’t pen out the way you had envisioned, how could you have possibly known that the outcome will lead to heartache and pain? Of course you didn't, you just did at the time what made sense to you, otherwise why would you set yourself up like that? 
There are so many things in life that have left me exhausted, exhausted because I had gone over them over and over asking myself how  could I have been so DUMB?

I mean it was obvious that to anyone with a brain that “THIS” will not work out!!! WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING!  What I failed to realize during this “you are such a moron session” was that the reason I was able to point out the errs in my judgement was because I was not the same person I was when I acted “stupidly”, I had shed that skin, I was a new being now, I had grown and matured, and this was evident because I was able to look back and question the motives behind my actions.  I had gained new powers and had new insight; I had new formed understanding of who I was …

The only problem was that I couldn't realize the strength that was brought on by those moments of weaknesses or errors in judgement, because I was beating myself up for not knowing what’s going to happen next. How insanely arrogant is that? In the grand scheme of things who the hell am i?  I will always be thankful for the day I stopped judging myself and treating myself unfairly, it was as though a load was lifted from my shoulders, I was able to look myself in the mirror and see me for who I was not the mistakes I had made, I started to look at myself through my mother’s eyes, you know how your mother will love you regardless and see the best in you even when you fail?! That wisdom that mothers have come with years and years of trial and error, they know through miscalculations and misguided actions that in the end things always work out, Stop beating yourself up. I began to love myself, really love myself, not the idea of me, but the person I was within when I’m not trying to fit into societal molds It’s amazing what self-love can do, it can open you up to a world you never knew existed, a world where you are human.  Human in a sense that you are not a supreme being, you don’t have all the answers, at any given moment the only thing you can do and are able to do is your best, nothing more, nothing less.

Sometimes we choose to do less than we are capable of doing because our hearts are not in whatever is keeping us busy at the time, so our focus is in turn split. One of the things that have been revealed to me during my quiet moments is that we always, always know what’s best for us, the only problem is that often times we ignore what we know for sure, we suppress our needs so that we can please others or gain favour with the masses, then we go out of character.  Sometimes you haven’t really experienced life, therefore you are unable to connect the dots, for instance you should know that if you want to have kids that will, let’s say help you in your old age, you should take care of them now, nurture them and shower them with love, teach them about love and generosity through your actions, when they are older they will be to you what you were to them.   You will be able to cultivate from them what you planted…That is the connection.

The wonderful thing with being human is that we are blessed with a functioning brain that is able to think critically, the only catch is that you have to train it to think all the time, to question, probe and seek knowledge far beyond what it can currently comprehend. It’s OK that you don’t have all the answers that the only thing you know for certain is that you are alive at that present moment, as I’m writing this that’s what I know for sure , that i am alive, what I choose to do with this knowledge is what the world looks at and in turn judges us on. The mere existence of this knowledge counts for nothing, if I am not willing to use it to my advantage, I don’t even have to have special abilities, those I can learn along the way, what is needed is the willingness to learn , to be teachable to improve.

Everything in the world came into existence because someone thought of it. They thought about it and set on the path of making this thought tangible, they didn't have a crystal ball showing them exactly how things were going to pen out for them; they just went with what they knew for sure in their hearts. The recognition by the others is purely coincidental, because one doesn't always get recognition for their efforts, this shouldn't deter you from bringing forth what lies beneath, when the moment is right and the stars have aligned the accolades will follow, it’s just that sometimes you may not be alive to busk in the glory, you fulfilled your purpose, its legacy will be the spoils enjoyed by your seeds.

Part of the reason life is so stressful is due to the fact that we want to control every single aspect of our lives, we want to know what is going to happen next, we want to strategize our next move, macro manage everything life throws at us, and wonder why we are bodies are  imbibed with aches and pains. We forget to just BE, lead a life of always doing, we are encouraged to be movers and shakers, to be thought leaders, to develop new ideas and be innovators, but no one is encouraging us to just BE.  It’s all good and well to be great but sometimes you just need to be...BE ALIVE..BE HAPPY… just BE and breathe.

You know that feeling of relief you get when you breathe in and out, and let go of every single thing that you have been carrying with you along the way? That feeling of release that is what being human is at its most basic level. Inhaling in the goodness and exhaling what no longer serves us, now we do the opposite we breathe  in some good and  we  forget to  exhale what we no longer require., over time our system begins to slow down, because it can no longer function at its optimum  level, all the baggage we have as nooks around our necks begins to suffocate us, our breathing starts to get shallow as a result, we experience pain with every breath taken , we get sick, burn out, fall into a depression,  we in turn resort to using substances to help us cope but somehow nothing changes.  Nothing will change until such a time we let go of all the toxins (in whatever shape or form) harming us. 

Letting go is by no means giving up, letting go is a gift of freedom you give yourself to say did my best, and at this point I don’t have the knowledge or the resources to handle THIS, when I know better I will do better. For now I have given it my all, I need to regroup, remove myself from the situation and see if I won’t gain new insight, and during this process , the words that you should be murmuring to yourself as you try a new path is that RELAX ITS GOING TO BE OK… A phoenix rising always rises from its ashes, with no scars or blemishes... ;)

SOLVE FOR ....

Ever look at life and think to yourself there must be a mean kid pulling the strings and undoing everything that I tried to do? Why does it seem like part of being a human being and figuring this life thing out can be compared to trying to solve a Rubik’s cube and you happen to be blindfolded? Being a human being is made even more difficult by the fact that we refuse to be who we truly are, so we wake up each morning and put on a performance, We can barely manage or control our emotions, we don’t always know what we want, and when we do figure out what we want, it’s because someone else convinced us that, that’s what we need …what is up with that. Obviously this is not everyone there are individuals who have make a conscious effort every day to be true to themselves and their dreams despite what society dictates.

 I often wonder what other creatures that perhaps have a superior intellect in comparison to us think when they are looking down on us (this is assuming that such exists).the reason I say looking down is because humans look down on animals, we believe we matter, we are above them, and our abusive and negligent behavior is proof of this, Very few of us see them as living creatures. As humans we are able to make distinctions between human and animal behavior, and when a fellow human being doesn't act in accordance with what other humans deem appropriate behavior, we label such a person an “animal”. This is not always a fair assessment as animals possess greater emotional intelligence that a lot of humans are without.  Half the time I would rather deal with animals that people because animals unlike people will never switch up on you, there will never be a time where a sheep will eat meat. Human beings are one thing today and tomorrow they are something totally different. I know a person adapts to situations as they play out, but I’m most certainly sure this by no means entails being a chameleon

The problem with us humans is that the world is at our feet we are spoilt for choice, variety is most definitely spicing up our lives. We are always looking for the next big amazing, mind-blowing thing that will complete and fill all the voids that form part of our makeup. Voids that are there on purpose and the only way each of us will be able to fill them is by being real with ourselves. There are so many nooks and crannies within every single one of us, where the truth about what is making us empty lies embedded, but because so many of us are not yet ready to go searching in those nooks, we want everything we lay our eyes on, hoping that it will fill the voids and we won’t have to make that trip to faraway land.

 The newly acquired piece doesn't always fit the puzzle, if it does it’s only momentarily, the feeling wears off and we find ourselves right where we started. We are known to want what others have not because of need, just so they are not the only ones in possession of whatever our eyes saw, now you have what the other person has but you are still unhappy, it doesn't paint your soul with all shades of wonderful. You remain empty. people who let go of worldly possessions and choose to live much simpler lives have been reported to lead fulfilling lives, they  care about the needs of others and realize that we are all connected ,and as such our paths will cross from time to time, so the best thing that one can do for their peace of mind is to live in harmony with others, to give only of yourself what will be useful to others, to be kind to yourself every day and to make a concerted effort to heal the places in you that have experienced unkind treatment in the past, to remind yourself that , you matter, write it on a wall somewhere in your house if you have to. To learn a new skill and follow through with every single thing you start no matter how small or insignificant I may be, if it’s important to you that’s all that matters, other people should cheer you on or render support, whatever you require of them. Celebrate each success, get lost in the moment and allow it to envelope you, do not dismiss it as we often do and last but not least give yourself permission to be happy, you are allowed.

I am RUNNER...

This is what you look like after you have given your all to the streets, after you have released every inch of energy within you to enable you to move forward and make it to the finish line. Exhausted, energy depleted, wondering why you put yourself through all that, but glad that you did.

There is nothing like running, and before you start running you will never know the feeling, one feels fearless when they run, like anything and everything is possible, and whenever I lace up my shoes , I know that there Is a personal victory that awaits me. I run my own race, every time I go running I challenge myself to do better than I did before, to be stronger than I was yesterday and to not let doubt, overcome me.

I know that I have to let go of all that holds me back and give in, into running, succumb to the power that dwells within and allow it to take over, envelope me and strengthen me. This is a lifestyle choice I want to practice well into my old age, and also be able to pass it on to my girls. We will be a family that runs together, a few things are that precious. When  I started running four months ago, I would have never imagined that it would have brought me so much pleasure, seeing myself move from strength to strength as I  increase my pace has showed me that its not about how slow you start, its about the willingness to do it in the first place, not over thinking it, just doing it.

 I went from having to psyche myself up to go running to now, lacing up and running 5km without even giving it a second thought and for as long as I have mobility the streets will remain my gym, I will lace my shoes and lose myself to the freedom that comes with letting go and just being one with your inner self. Running!