pieces of you...

My mind keeps showing me images of you, as though I have met you before, there’s a certain familiarity I feel every time I’m confronted  by who you once were, and still I do not know who you are. I feel a shadow cast over me and envelope me, with a comforting sincerity, a promise that all is going to work out in the end, I can’t help but be apprehensive because deep inside I feel as though I’m losing my mind.

  Our paths have never crossed yet our lives are intertwined, I see pieces of you whenever I walk passed a mirror, and I’m almost certain it’s your shadow I always see whenever I channel my mind’s eye. 

I keep wondering and asking myself if maybe I have met you, the problem is I just don’t remember where and when. Logic fails me whenever I try putting things into perspective, could my mind be failing me or is my heart trying to channel my mind and remind it of the splendor it once knew.  You haunt my existence, each day I am consumed by the thought of you and I feel your penetrative force trying to make a home within me and dwell there for eternity. Feelings of what could happen if I just let you stay a little longer are what propels me to keep letting you in, my curiosity keeps getting the better of me. 

What if I let you in and I lose who I am?! I’m afraid that one day you are going to be too powerful l for me to ever resist. There’s a certain emptiness I feel whenever I don’t engage you, or entertain thoughts of who or what you could be or mean to me. My soul yearns for all the lessons I know you carry with you, the wisdom of things past that I still need to learn and still I’m perplexed by how I can feel so close and still not know who you are to me.

I look for you in all that surrounds me and try to find pieces of me there, there’s an overwhelming need  I have to make this connection, I need to bring you out to life, maybe then my  mind will know peace.  I hope the next time you creep up on me you will show me more than a silhouette, I hope that you will turn around and face me, maybe then I will know you have a part of me that has remained dormant all these years and now wants to be brought to life, or maybe you could be the fire that burns within and is tired of being extinguished, so you want to set my world ablaze and open my eyes to the burning flames of possibilities. How do I open myself up to you and convince my mind that you are what my heart needs? The pieces you have revealed to me aren’t worthy of me trusting you with who I am, even so I can’t shake this feeling that I need to connect these pieces of you, only then will my mind find rest... For now I’m still haunted by pieces f you….

Trying to escape...

Very few things in life make sense, and the ones that don’t usually stay with us longer than they should. As they linger on in our hearts and minds they bring forth the innermost feelings we go out of our way to hide from the world but most importantly ourselves. The hardest thing in the world is being confronted with a truth you thought ceased to exist or affected you no more; the realization of it alone is enough to have you riddled with fear. I have come to realize and understand that every person has their own truth to live, and no matter how hard you try to avoid it or masquerade it with feelings of indifference it will always be there waiting for you to face it and own up to it someday.

As humans we are flawed and fallible and at the best of times the biggest cowards walking the earth, we go out of our way to find mood shifters that will have us in a stupor if that meant having to go another day without facing ourselves, our truth, our reality. I won’t pretend to be the biggest fan of reality, in fact there are times I have felt like checking out and just exiting and letting this life thing happen to me and not try and fight back, But if I was to put everything in perspective I really don’t want to escape anything. I want to go through life, face it and know that I have overcome something’s that I thought will be walls that will prevent me from growing but instead turned out to be bumps along the way. Reality is that smack on the face you receive when you think life is going to embrace with you with a hug and a kiss, painful as it may be it heals eventually and all that you are left with is the memory of all that happened to you.The thing with memories is that they soon fade they don’t linger on for decades unless if they are triggered by something, but when that happens  the thoughts aren’t usually as painful as the event was once upon a time.One has somehow healed, accepted and simply carried on with life.

I guess it’s true when they say it’s not really about what happens to you but rather how you respond to it, one’s attitude is key in determining whether you sink or swim because at the end of the day everything happens to everyone...as humans we just like to think that somehow God/ the universe or whatever force is out there is picking on us, we really not that special. I suppose the real question is how does one go on, how do you tackle everyday realities that leave many paralyzed with fear, dismay and low morale and still have a smile on your face or at most a positive attitude? How do you look towards a future that is not really guaranteed with hope? Well I don’t really have the answer to that because truth of the matter is as people we believe and trust in different things, and what I believe in might not necessarily be what gives you comfort at night when you can’t sleep and are smothered by nightmares.

What I do know for sure is that feeling sorry for yourself doesn't get anyone anywhere,one has to have a handle on their thoughts, actions, behavior and attitude towards life that's the only way to survive. There will always be something that happens that throws you off balance or totally decapitates you, adaptation and survival is key for making it to the next day still intact, bruised but still intact. This is why it’s so important for all of us to know who we truly are, to understand our own complexities and shortcomings and be able to handle them whenever life throws us a curve ball. Nobody ever said survival was easy but running away from yourself isn’t going to help much either, it’s a futile exercise as you can never really escape yourself, you are constantly around the clock with yourself. You have to live with who and what you are, when the circus packs up and  leaves town,when the music stops and reality pats you on the back it will be YOU  right there in the mist of it all, and so will your truth asking for some quality time. That’s the thing about the truth it has lasting power and endurance, lies are the only things that have a short life span more so the ones we tell ourselves. They can only comfort us for a little while even then the truth is always there in the background waiting, however long, it will wait for its acknowledgement. Delaying it can never deny its existence!