DYING TO LIVE...

Its Sunday I’m at work counting down the hours till I can reclaim my life again and go live, be with my family spend some quality time before the start of another week, you know regroup. As I’m siting here looking at the grey skies I’m thinking about an article I just read of a guy who decided to drive into a loaded truck because he couldn't take the pressure (of life, business…) anymore, as he could no longer provide for his wife, who has in turn started entertaining other men who could provide her with ABC… I’m sitting here saddened by all this I mean at what time did we get to this point where people are killing themselves over material things? When did we become this society?

You know the thing with death its that’s its final, there is no do overs, no second takes, you cannot come back once you are gone, that’s it curtain roll…suicide is always such a touchy subject because for me I believe we should look to the people who surrounded this person, the people who formed his world, in there lies the answers. This person was desperate and couldn't reach out to people that were supposed to love him, they didn't feel safe enough to be able to rely on them for whatever or go to them for support or solace so they decided to end it all. It’s not because they were tired of living, they were let down.

There is so much pressure of late with everything , there are always those pop up messages everywhere around us, in our homes , communities in the workplace among our friends telling us that you are not worthy because you don’t have 1..2..3.. And as a result you will never be happy or fulfilled; you will never have peace of mind.Every day we are killing ourselves trying to get it all, be all, conquer the world, a lot of times this is done outside of the bounds of noting resources we have available on hand at the time, we fail to take into account what we are able to do at any given time and as a result we put ourselves under immense pressure where failing is inevitable. You have been bending for so long that you are weak and the only thing left is for you to collapse. We are not “failing” because we cannot do whatever it is we are trying to add on to our already loaded plate what’s causing us to fail is the fact that we try to do so much too soon, let me use an analogy that will bring it closer to home, you go to the gym for three days and on day 4 you already want to do things that people that are at the advance level are doing.

 Your muscles haven’t even gotten used to you being active, You haven’t given yourself time to get used to the routines, increase your reps as you gain more strength and develop your own technique but you already trying to do too much, because you are busy looking at the guy next to you and trying to do all that he is doing cause hey he is not about to “beat” you, you going to show him.  These are the moments were logic abandons us, we fail to take into considerations that there is work that has to be put in for a one to be able to master a certain skill you don’t just wake up one day  run a marathon. You have to keep at it. It’s a slow process.

The same with life, if you don’t pace yourself, you will eventually burnout because you trying to do things with minimal resources, there are things you still need to learn about yourself, the world and dealing with others before you can try to venture out and broaden your horizons. Some skills have to be learned through experience you cannot mimic through observation of others, and usually these are the type of skills that take time and require patience, lots and lots of patience. It hardly ever happens over night.

Its quiet unfortunate that at times we associate and end up loving (broken) people who are either in love with the idea of who we are, or they love what we can do for them, not us. These are people who are always looking out for number one, people who operate on self-preservation mode, its either you or them and they won’t hesitate to throw you under the bus if need be. We are such champions at being to true to people who only serve themselves and their purpose. What is sad about these types of situations which have become the template for modern day dating is that when tragedies such as these happen, we are all shook by the incident but we soon forget and continue to try and GET IT…WHATEVER IT IS…Even if it’s evident that its killing us.

WHAT DOESN'T MAKE ME STRONGER, KILLS ME RIGHT?!

There is a saying that we are all familiar with which states, “that which does not kill you, makes you stronger” what happens then when “that “which is supposed to make you stronger doesn't? What are you then left with for strength? Unfortunately for us, strength is not sold in bottles, and one doesn't always have an oversupply of it, our wells are usually overdrawn more often than not. One finds themselves always having to reach deep within, trying to draw out more, meanwhile you are running on empty. What do you do then when you have used your supply, for the day, week, month or even year?  When you can’t “JUST BE STRONG” you cannot “DEAL” like people on social networks usually suggest? You are spent. So my question is if the things that are meant to make you stronger don’t, do they kill you instead?

I picked up a copy a newspaper sometime back and one of the articles they ran, was addressing the issue of suicide and depression among  South Africans, the myths, misconceptions and the reality of things. There is a general assumption that suicide spikes during the festive season, which is not the case according to South African Depression and Anxiety Group; it is suicide season all year round in South Africa”. This article also stated that South Africa has one of the highest suicide rates in the world; we are ahead of US AND UK. Such reports can’t be shocking at all if we take recent news reports into consideration our beautiful land has been turned into a blood bath; people are killed, assaulted, mutilated and raped daily. Violence has become a permanent fixture in our everyday lives.  It’s really disheartening that we live in a society where a person who is in trouble cannot say, HELP ME, I’m in trouble, I’m sinking, I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

This had me wondering, are we without effective coping mechanisms/skills/tools as people? And if that is the case how come these skills are not taught in school or shared like people do with recipes? Whenever I hear that someone has committed suicide I always wonder , what could have been so terrible that this person couldn’t find someone, anyone to talk to about what they are/were going through? How can someone see suicide as the only option they have to get out of whatever difficulty they are facing? Society is to blame obviously, I believe as a person you should never find yourself in a position where you believe ending your life is a solution, death is so final, there is no coming back from it, once it’s done it’s done, why then would someone see this as an alternative?  I know life is not exactly a fairy-tale a lot of times it pushes us around, I can never fully understand the psychology of suicide, but I do know that it shouldn't be happening; by the way this is not me judging. The sad thing about suicide is that the pain doesn't end soon as the person has taken their life, those that are left behind carry the pain with them every day of their lives.

We have become so selfish and centered around our own lives as people that being involved in someone else’s life and checking up on them is too much of a  bother, people have their own troubles to get through and overcome, how then can they help you to make sense of things, when they too feel overwhelmed ? It is said that when you talk about what is troubling you, you have halved the problem, but modern society seems to say otherwise, when you share your troubles with someone, you should know that you have just broadcasted your troubles to the whole world, of course this is not the case with everyone, there are still reliable people out there that one can be vulnerable with without judgement. Social media is a tool people use to make light of issues people go through each day, we laugh about things that don’t affect us, and make those who are troubled feel bad for even having worries in the first place. As a consequence people are now forced to behave as though they still have everything under control; meanwhile they have reached their breaking point. Opening up emotionally is just too costly.

Depression can be brought on by a number of factors; not being able to cope with challenges, feeling isolated from ones immediate relations or having no sense of belonging could be one of the many reasons. People who end up committing suicide were depressed for weeks or months on end, and those that are close to them, mistook it for moodiness or attention seeking behavior. It’s not always easy to tell the difference between possible alarming behavior and someone having just a bad day, but when the ties are strong between people it doesn't make it all that difficult to see when something is wrong or troubling someone, you just have to stop long enough to realize.

I know it’s not as clear cut as I am making it out to be, there are always grey areas, what I am highlighting now is that it’s not always the death of a loved one, chronic illness or witnessing a heinous crime that causes people to take their own lives, people have been known to take their lives because they were bullied at school. I am by no means making light of the psychological impact bullying has over the person that has been bullied, it is very traumatic, but the end result of being bullied shouldn't now be suicide.

On the other hand it’s comforting to know that there are people who still seek out help outside their immediate circles by making use of the services institutions such as SADAG offer, they try again to find help. The comfort and peace of mind of reaching out to someone who doesn't know you by name, you can bear your soul and talk about what is troubling you as it is, without feeling the need to make light of a dire situation, there are no come backs, you won’t have details of your life splashed all over social networks with no sensitivity whatsoever, whatever you share is in confidence. We all know how families tend to use what you have said to them in confidence against you, especially when there is a fall out between you and the person you confided in. Sadly most families don’t even know what depression is and they don’t understand why anyone would want to kill themselves, because of this they tend to be dismissive and unforgiving. We are expected to cope and be in control at all times, when we fall short of this we are chastised, and made to feel unworthy. The downside is that when people find themselves in desperate situations they tend to act desperately, they feel cornered and as a result end up making permanent decisions because of a temporary situation. The aim of this article is to say, weakness a lot of times can be masked as strength, we are incapable of being strong all the time as people we should therefore be able to rely on our loved ones when we find ourselves in this kind of situation, because more often than not what doesn't kill us doesn't

always make us stronger, sometimes it damages us.