WHAT DOESN'T MAKE ME STRONGER, KILLS ME RIGHT?!

There is a saying that we are all familiar with which states, “that which does not kill you, makes you stronger” what happens then when “that “which is supposed to make you stronger doesn't? What are you then left with for strength? Unfortunately for us, strength is not sold in bottles, and one doesn't always have an oversupply of it, our wells are usually overdrawn more often than not. One finds themselves always having to reach deep within, trying to draw out more, meanwhile you are running on empty. What do you do then when you have used your supply, for the day, week, month or even year?  When you can’t “JUST BE STRONG” you cannot “DEAL” like people on social networks usually suggest? You are spent. So my question is if the things that are meant to make you stronger don’t, do they kill you instead?

I picked up a copy a newspaper sometime back and one of the articles they ran, was addressing the issue of suicide and depression among  South Africans, the myths, misconceptions and the reality of things. There is a general assumption that suicide spikes during the festive season, which is not the case according to South African Depression and Anxiety Group; it is suicide season all year round in South Africa”. This article also stated that South Africa has one of the highest suicide rates in the world; we are ahead of US AND UK. Such reports can’t be shocking at all if we take recent news reports into consideration our beautiful land has been turned into a blood bath; people are killed, assaulted, mutilated and raped daily. Violence has become a permanent fixture in our everyday lives.  It’s really disheartening that we live in a society where a person who is in trouble cannot say, HELP ME, I’m in trouble, I’m sinking, I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

This had me wondering, are we without effective coping mechanisms/skills/tools as people? And if that is the case how come these skills are not taught in school or shared like people do with recipes? Whenever I hear that someone has committed suicide I always wonder , what could have been so terrible that this person couldn’t find someone, anyone to talk to about what they are/were going through? How can someone see suicide as the only option they have to get out of whatever difficulty they are facing? Society is to blame obviously, I believe as a person you should never find yourself in a position where you believe ending your life is a solution, death is so final, there is no coming back from it, once it’s done it’s done, why then would someone see this as an alternative?  I know life is not exactly a fairy-tale a lot of times it pushes us around, I can never fully understand the psychology of suicide, but I do know that it shouldn't be happening; by the way this is not me judging. The sad thing about suicide is that the pain doesn't end soon as the person has taken their life, those that are left behind carry the pain with them every day of their lives.

We have become so selfish and centered around our own lives as people that being involved in someone else’s life and checking up on them is too much of a  bother, people have their own troubles to get through and overcome, how then can they help you to make sense of things, when they too feel overwhelmed ? It is said that when you talk about what is troubling you, you have halved the problem, but modern society seems to say otherwise, when you share your troubles with someone, you should know that you have just broadcasted your troubles to the whole world, of course this is not the case with everyone, there are still reliable people out there that one can be vulnerable with without judgement. Social media is a tool people use to make light of issues people go through each day, we laugh about things that don’t affect us, and make those who are troubled feel bad for even having worries in the first place. As a consequence people are now forced to behave as though they still have everything under control; meanwhile they have reached their breaking point. Opening up emotionally is just too costly.

Depression can be brought on by a number of factors; not being able to cope with challenges, feeling isolated from ones immediate relations or having no sense of belonging could be one of the many reasons. People who end up committing suicide were depressed for weeks or months on end, and those that are close to them, mistook it for moodiness or attention seeking behavior. It’s not always easy to tell the difference between possible alarming behavior and someone having just a bad day, but when the ties are strong between people it doesn't make it all that difficult to see when something is wrong or troubling someone, you just have to stop long enough to realize.

I know it’s not as clear cut as I am making it out to be, there are always grey areas, what I am highlighting now is that it’s not always the death of a loved one, chronic illness or witnessing a heinous crime that causes people to take their own lives, people have been known to take their lives because they were bullied at school. I am by no means making light of the psychological impact bullying has over the person that has been bullied, it is very traumatic, but the end result of being bullied shouldn't now be suicide.

On the other hand it’s comforting to know that there are people who still seek out help outside their immediate circles by making use of the services institutions such as SADAG offer, they try again to find help. The comfort and peace of mind of reaching out to someone who doesn't know you by name, you can bear your soul and talk about what is troubling you as it is, without feeling the need to make light of a dire situation, there are no come backs, you won’t have details of your life splashed all over social networks with no sensitivity whatsoever, whatever you share is in confidence. We all know how families tend to use what you have said to them in confidence against you, especially when there is a fall out between you and the person you confided in. Sadly most families don’t even know what depression is and they don’t understand why anyone would want to kill themselves, because of this they tend to be dismissive and unforgiving. We are expected to cope and be in control at all times, when we fall short of this we are chastised, and made to feel unworthy. The downside is that when people find themselves in desperate situations they tend to act desperately, they feel cornered and as a result end up making permanent decisions because of a temporary situation. The aim of this article is to say, weakness a lot of times can be masked as strength, we are incapable of being strong all the time as people we should therefore be able to rely on our loved ones when we find ourselves in this kind of situation, because more often than not what doesn't kill us doesn't

always make us stronger, sometimes it damages us.