Let me in...

Can't you hear me knocking or should i break this door down?

 I have been out here in the cold awaiting your warm embrace. 

Your resistance is starting to tick me off, I can't for the life of me understand why you are doing this. 

You know how I love company but here you are refusing to open up to me.

 I have been at this door knocking hysterically, pleading to be let in but in the cold I remain.

Why wont you let me in...

I keep changing faces, transforming,evolving so you may not recognize me...cause then you would flee.

My patience is wearing thin and if I don't feed off of your energy soon, I may never have a hold on you again. You may start to welcome in that joy and happiness crap, we cant have that now can we?!

I'm lusting after that weak spirit of happiness that lies within you, 

that you hardly ever embrace because you and I are best of friends.

So what if I bring along baggage with each visit?

 Surely by now you have learned to deal and cope with all that us being friends and all...

The hate that harbors in the hearts of those that let me in, like the stench of rotting meat I linger on

Ensuring that nothing but worrying, pain and misery live there, you know I never come alone. 

The turmoil that follows soon after always puts a smirk on my face,its like icing on the cake really.

There's nothing like the comfort of a lonely spirit, where hope has departed and negativity reigns,

no amount of make up can disguise that sadness, it always pierces through.

As the hairs on the back of your neck raises and everything is in disarray I am gratified.

Anything to kill the silver lining try to bring some golden moments into your world.

If I allow that to happen soon after you will be floating on clouds and being all grateful and appreciative.

The thought of that alone sends shivers down my spine...oh wait I'm spineless, but you get the idea.

Come on just let me in... its starting to feel lonely out here, I need your acknowledgement.

Don't be put off by the baggage I bring, lets keep each other company.Nobody wants to be lonely, please just let me in that's all I ask. Let me in

Lost soul...

So my soul went missing a while back,don't remember the actual day I just know it just wasn't there anymore. For some reason I actually think it walked out on me, I suppose I stopped being attentive and it disappeared. I have since been on the quest , searching aimlessly trying to find this which makes me whole. I must say this has been an emotionally exhausting excursion I had even given up hope of ever finding my joy and today I saw it walk through the front door and sit right next to me.

I don't even think it walked in, waltzed in better describes the grand entrance I witnessed. I was in awe to say the least, for one I didn't think it would recognise me, my insecurities took over and instead of being joyful I became self conscious. My mind was flooded with thoughts that needed answers, but above all else reassurance. As it made itself feel at home and eased within me peace overcame me and without uttering a word all those insecurities were silenced. A ball of fire rose within me and for the first time in months I felt alive, I would have screamed at the top of my lungs but I'm not one for theatrics, its presence was all the comfort I needed.

As I embraced the flow of ink and the overwhelming surge of words and emotions it dawned on me, my soul never left me to begin with, it just transformed into a being I wasn't yet ready to embrace and celebrate. I had been blinded by my own stubbornness refusing to acknowledge this new voice within me that wanted so badly to be let out and heard. As I sat there in the quiet without expectations with silence came a new understanding and acceptance just when I needed it most, the blockage had been lifted.Turns out writing makes me happy to say the least and as I dwell in my Eden I have to say I'm happy to be alive. The walls are down a beam of light is piercing through unapologetic-ally and as the rays warm my cheeks I know I'm home, my voice has found me.