LEARN TO CONTROL THE THINGS YOU CAN....

Most of the things that happen to us in life are beyond our control, you know those unexpected situations when life hands you lemons, we all know  life happens and you have to deal with what you have been dealt, make the most of the situation you find yourself in, and do your out most best to not allow it to define you; rise above it all and come out unscathed  because we are not our situations right? well, not always but yeah.

This type of positive thinking is not always easy to accomplish, well actually its one of the hardest thing to do, give the other cheek when you have already been smacked hard, because things can go from bad to worse and you are just standing there thinking damn and you don't know what else to do except to wallow and pity yourself. What else can you do when the only thing you can smell is that all too familiar smell of defeat?! This thought came to me after I had posted a workout video online today and I received positive feedback, on how I'm taking this working out business seriously, and it had me thinking, well, exercising  falls within the realms of things I CAN control, its one of the things I do to take charge of my life, things that are withing my reach and require only positive action from me, so why shouldn't I do it? We spend countless hours, every minute of everyday actually obsessing over what may or may not happen, this is why we are so stressed and volatile as people, we are always worried about the unknown. 

Imagine for a second what would happen if you decide to take charge of the things you can and leave the rest to God, cause what else can you do right? Like I have already stated above life happens and you don't know what tomorrow has in store for you, but somethings don't have to happen to you, you can take charge and be in control, you can decide that you are going to live consciously  and stop going through the emotions, you will be vocal in your life and express dissatisfaction when you are not treated fairly, you will do more of the things you love and learn to put yourself first more often, you will invest in yourself and learn a new skill, you will be mindful of everything that you consume, you will take an active role in your health and well being, you will be kind to yourself, cause how else are others going to learn if you don't lead the way?

There are things that do not require the help of others or money for that matter they just require us to see the need and make time and follow through, keep the promises we make to ourselves, and not only talk about doing things but actually do them. You don't need money to express love to those around you, you just have to do it, with your actions, and I'm not talking  grand gestures and expensive gifts, a mere " I see all that you are doing and appreciate your efforts" is all that is needed at times to stop someone from going through the rails. The little things that mean the most, and have the biggest impact...

The key to getting anything done is your willingness to want do it for yourself first and foremost, other people should wager in as sources of motivation that keep you strong when the going gets tough, because if you just doing it for others and not yourself, when that sacrificial feeling leaves you, you will just abandon ship and move on to other things,  external motivation is not easily sustainable, always fleeting, of course this doesn't apply to everything because sometimes, actually often times its about doing what benefits others first and you second, and also things aren't always that clear cut and black and white, so the decision is not always so easy to make.

So my stance is this as I am writing this blog and sharing my thoughts with you, you have no control over your mortality or that of your loved ones, you cannot control the weather and you cannot control how others treat you, so because of these reasons and some that are known to you, this is why its important that we always try with all our might to control the things that we can control, things that don't require the assistance of others or money.  Money is always at the root of why we are unable to fulfill our promises to ourselves and others or see what we have started to the end, this is why we  need to pay special mind to the things that matter to us the most and may not necessarily matter to others,  things that make our eyes wonder and our hearts flutter, things that make you dream without reservations because for once you are living outside the bounds of reality and what may or not be possible given your situation, things that transport you back to childhood, to a time when you didn't know any better so you were inclined to follow your imagination and disregard reason, because life hadn't happened to you yet. Things that make you happy... Those are the things you need to control and take charge of.

Control those things that grow you...

DYING TO LIVE...

Its Sunday I’m at work counting down the hours till I can reclaim my life again and go live, be with my family spend some quality time before the start of another week, you know regroup. As I’m siting here looking at the grey skies I’m thinking about an article I just read of a guy who decided to drive into a loaded truck because he couldn't take the pressure (of life, business…) anymore, as he could no longer provide for his wife, who has in turn started entertaining other men who could provide her with ABC… I’m sitting here saddened by all this I mean at what time did we get to this point where people are killing themselves over material things? When did we become this society?

You know the thing with death its that’s its final, there is no do overs, no second takes, you cannot come back once you are gone, that’s it curtain roll…suicide is always such a touchy subject because for me I believe we should look to the people who surrounded this person, the people who formed his world, in there lies the answers. This person was desperate and couldn't reach out to people that were supposed to love him, they didn't feel safe enough to be able to rely on them for whatever or go to them for support or solace so they decided to end it all. It’s not because they were tired of living, they were let down.

There is so much pressure of late with everything , there are always those pop up messages everywhere around us, in our homes , communities in the workplace among our friends telling us that you are not worthy because you don’t have 1..2..3.. And as a result you will never be happy or fulfilled; you will never have peace of mind.Every day we are killing ourselves trying to get it all, be all, conquer the world, a lot of times this is done outside of the bounds of noting resources we have available on hand at the time, we fail to take into account what we are able to do at any given time and as a result we put ourselves under immense pressure where failing is inevitable. You have been bending for so long that you are weak and the only thing left is for you to collapse. We are not “failing” because we cannot do whatever it is we are trying to add on to our already loaded plate what’s causing us to fail is the fact that we try to do so much too soon, let me use an analogy that will bring it closer to home, you go to the gym for three days and on day 4 you already want to do things that people that are at the advance level are doing.

 Your muscles haven’t even gotten used to you being active, You haven’t given yourself time to get used to the routines, increase your reps as you gain more strength and develop your own technique but you already trying to do too much, because you are busy looking at the guy next to you and trying to do all that he is doing cause hey he is not about to “beat” you, you going to show him.  These are the moments were logic abandons us, we fail to take into considerations that there is work that has to be put in for a one to be able to master a certain skill you don’t just wake up one day  run a marathon. You have to keep at it. It’s a slow process.

The same with life, if you don’t pace yourself, you will eventually burnout because you trying to do things with minimal resources, there are things you still need to learn about yourself, the world and dealing with others before you can try to venture out and broaden your horizons. Some skills have to be learned through experience you cannot mimic through observation of others, and usually these are the type of skills that take time and require patience, lots and lots of patience. It hardly ever happens over night.

Its quiet unfortunate that at times we associate and end up loving (broken) people who are either in love with the idea of who we are, or they love what we can do for them, not us. These are people who are always looking out for number one, people who operate on self-preservation mode, its either you or them and they won’t hesitate to throw you under the bus if need be. We are such champions at being to true to people who only serve themselves and their purpose. What is sad about these types of situations which have become the template for modern day dating is that when tragedies such as these happen, we are all shook by the incident but we soon forget and continue to try and GET IT…WHATEVER IT IS…Even if it’s evident that its killing us.

THE BIG 30...

So what is supposed to happen when 30 is a few months away and you haven't done any of the things that you supposedly should have done by the time you reach that age? 

What happens when your life didn't follow the plan as set out by people you don't know and will never meet?
What started this train of though was an article I read on “THINGS TO DO BEFORE YOU TURN THE BIG 30" I am not going to go over those things cause for me they are just ridiculous, So what happens after 30, do you now start counting the days to your demise? Life is complex enough as  it is without there being lists of things that label you a “loser”…I mean we are not of the same tree, how then can the fruit we bear be the same? how can our journey be the same when our path is not the same? why are there comparisons when even life doesn't deal us the same cards?

This also reminded me of how I always hear that “every girl” dreamt about their Matric farewell, how they plan for the day from Grade 8 and  how everything has to be perfect, the dress, the hair, makeup, shoes etc. This was news for me hey, I didn't know every girl did this, hell I wore pants and a cocktail top to my farewell dance cause a fluffy dress was just not practical for me. I wanted to get clothes I will be able to wear again when I want to, not a dress that is going to sit in the cupboard gathering dust. That’s more sensible right? right!

 I remember I told my friend that’s what I wanted to wear and she thought I was kidding, I  told my mom my plans and she was horrified and as I result my dad took me shopping, my mom tried to sway me saying how I’m not going to be half as beautiful as I would be if I were to wear a dress. Well I would be beautiful for me, right? And for me that’s all that’s mattered.

 The same thing happened when I decide 6 years ago to stop relaxing my hair, my mom was horrified to say the least  and I was adamant , I was done with burning my scalp and getting rid of the “growth” every time it reared its ugly head….LOL  The way I would get into a state when there was growth and my mom didn't have money for me to go to the salon so that I can get my hair fluffy and soft, man I would panic and for that whole week I would wear it in a bun. Hide the horror, such silliness. What was ironic is that my mom is not even into hair extensions and make up, so I didn't quite understand why she tried to talk me out of going back to being natural…ooor it could be the whole natural hair is hard to manage, looks messy …blah…blah…blah.. (check display to prove that is  lie)
Maybe I am the way that I am because I grew up with 3 brothers, this is why I wasn't dreaming of matric farewells or weddings pallets, I don’t even have scrap books be it on paper or committed to memory of things I have always wanted ( that are material ) since I was  a lil girl… I have always loved reading and I still do and since I prefer to express myself through writing, especially emotional matters, writing is my second love. All these other things are foreign to me.

OK  back to the topic at hand, being frantic about  growing old , not having 1…2…3 and whatever the hell else, do all these other things matter when your life didn't turn out how you would have liked but better cause you would have never imagined this (whatever this is for you) for yourself? Do you not celebrate all your other achievements and victories whilst still in pursuit of whatever else is out there for you to discover, isn't that what living is? So you have “all” that you want except for the IT things on other peoples list, and  when you lie awake at night taking stock and giving thanks, all those other things you don’t even think about cause they just not for you…

This is the year I turn the big 30...(insert dramatic music) What big 30? its the duuurty 30's ...I can truly say I have never looked and felt better (again check displayed  pic for confirmation)  for me the build up to my 30’s has been IT, when you begin understanding yourself a bit more, when you look in the mirror and you see all that makes you beautiful and everything else in between... you don’t notice the flaws first like you used to earlier on in your teens and early twenties, you have grown to love that mole, those freckles cause hey they are you.

Among other things having peace in your life is of outmost importance to you, and you consciously choose people you want to have in your space, and disregard anything and everyone that has you questioning what you know in your heart to be your truth, the journey has been IT for me, the experiences, the gift of life…everything else is just secondary. So if you happen to find yourself gasping for air cause you turning 30…35...45..Just remember it could have been worse, unlike some you are able to celebrate .

Its all love…

You GOT A Bad Rep Hun...

So much depends on reputation-guard it with your life...48 laws of power! If you don't live by any quotes , then i suggest you consider living by this one. Long before I knew there was such a thing as the 48 laws of power, this is one of the things I have understood through observation of others , how one bad decision can affect how others view you and tint your image for life. Usually when people refer to reputation, you know you are about to hear of unthinkable scandals nothing positive or uplifting, things that will leave you in utter disbelief. a legacy on the other hand is a timeline of all the positive in pact you have made in the world and in the lives of all those you have come in to contact with... It is said that what ever we do in life follows us wherever we go, now this is not solely for bad decisions, even the good that you plough in the world you will one day harvest. 

One of life's tragedies is that you can work your whole life to build your brand so to speak, and you slip once and do something thoughtless and that one thing will become your new identity, I don't know who comes up with these rules but that is how society works and how I have come to understand it. This came to mind after the passing of Jackie Selebi, people had a lot to say, mixed reactions from all fronts, one of the leading newspapers said that he had a mixed legacy. He was lauded for all the good he had done throughout his life in his personal capacity but mostly in his professional life. His fall from grace was also widely  documented, to give a balanced view of who the man was, or what he later represented...corruption, lies and deceit, his fall from grace had tongues wagging for months.

It was during this past week that I was reminded just how priceless and  valuable ones reputation is, how we must take care in ensuring that we always carry our self in a manner that will be pleasing to us, when we hear a stranger who doesn't know us at all talk about us. I remember when we were growing up there were people I had heard of and didint know personally  or what they even looked like,  but their reputation preceded them, by the time you meet the aforementioned person, you have drawn all sorts of conclusions about them, and sadly some times they don't even get an opportunity to dispel the lies or to redeem themselves, they now have to prove to others that they are not who they used to be, and we all know how forgiving human beings can be ones you have wronged them, a camel stands a better chance passing through the eye of a needle. 

Social media has given us front row seats to peoples lives, when you are caught in a compromising position, it goes viral immediately, and if you lucky your embarrassing moment may just make the front page of a leading Newspaper, for everyone to see and judge. There is always someone out there looking,paying attention, taking notes, munching screens, recording whatever it is you are doing when you think no one is watching, waiting for an opportune time to bring you to your knees and wipe that smile off your face. Yes we are humans fallible and prone to make mistakes, we are not perfect, there is always room for err,  with that said I believe we all have a responsibility to ourselves as well as those personally tied to us to ensure that we always try to carry ourselves in a manner that will not bring us or them shame and embarrassment. To be conscious of the fact that human beings are out to judge most of the time and will only seek clarity later, and not before they have blown everything out of proportion. To try and always be a true representation of how we see ourselves in our minds eye, to not contradict what we say with what  we do. 

This sound like a lot  or you can take it as an attitude adjustment of sorts, aligning your thoughts with your behavior and  being conscious of the fact that others my not always see you how you see yourself, and checking to see if what you are presenting to the world is exactly what you want to portray. Words are powerful tools but they don't compare ti behavior, the actions of a person will linger long after you have forgotten what they said to you, this is why forgiveness is sometimes a difficult concept to practice, and how it is not always easy to excuse the excuse of a person once they have wronged you. 

I believe a good or bad  reputation is by product of ones character,  your character, (which can be easily explained as the person you are at all times even when no one is watching) sets that tone for the kind of reputation you will have, who people think you are will be affirmed or dispelled by your reputation...with that said ensure that you always portray , the true essence of who you are and bear in mind that whatever you put out there will always come back to you, whether good or bad, so live consciously...