Do women look down on men who have slept around?

I can’t say I have ever heard his question being asked before, and if I did I probably don’t remember the answer to it as its not frequently asked. I was listening to the radio the other day and this guy was complaining about how us  women treat men, I know what you are probably thinking but no it wasn't one of those discussions where women are blamed for how men conduct themselves in society. This guy was saying women generally tend to think that men are the same and that they love sex and will do anything for it; basically men will sleep with anything that has a pulse. Well I am a woman and I will admit we have been led to think that way, not our fault though, it’s generally how the male species carries itself and engages with the opposite sex, a lot of men fall into this category that doesn't include all men, but most of them do, unashamedly so .

He was relaying to the listeners how he met a wonderful girl, whom he was intending to get serious with, went out on a date with her, everything was just perfect like it had been scripted somehow, he couldn't have asked for a more relaxed intimate night. Well that was until they ran into one of his “acquaintances”, I say acquaintances because he said he knew the girl, was friendly with her but nothing ever happened between them, and the manner in which he explained how he knew her,it sounded like he hasn't uttered more than 10 words to her. This girl upon seeing the guy with his lady friend literally jumped out of her skin and came over to greet him, she paid no mind to what was happening and decided to impose herself on them, she was so happy to see him that she couldn't help it but get all grabby. The guy of course didn't appreciate all this unwarranted attention he was receiving from the acquaintance as he was happy with the attention his love interest was showering him with, he didn't especially appreciate it as it was sending to the wrong message to his date.

The girl eventually left them alone but not before she told him he should stop being a stranger, and come by for a visit, she misses him, and just like that she managed to throw sand all over that spark that was being ignited, the mood obviously changed after that. Well I don’t know about you but is that something you would say to someone who is just an acquaintance after you just felt them up in front of their date? Maybe, maybe not, all I know is that a person wouldn't just be that familiar with you, unless if you have lead them to believe that it was OK in the past, even so called psychos usually have something to work with that the guy might have said or done, it doesn't matter if he was joking or not, he gave her something that made her believe that they were more than just acquaintances. The date came to an end and they both went their separate ways. At this point the guy was beside himself with anger, he didn't understand how that girl could have acted that way when it was clear as day light that he was on a date, clearly she forgot to read the memo, especially the part where it states acceptable forms of PDA’ S between acquaintances *chuckles*. He further explained how he is a guy who respects himself and he just doesn't sleep around with very woman that looks his way, this is why he hates the insinuation that all men conduct themselves that way,that they are just aching to have sex that they don’t think about repercussions of their said behavior…

He attempted to contact his love interest after that night, and at first she didn't take any of his calls he finally managed to get a hold of her and she told him how she was not interested in men who have turned sleeping around into a sport, who believe that bed hopping is attractive, and give in to their every whim without sparing a thought to think about how their current actions will affect or impact their future ,she is not impressed by such behavior,and she has dealt with that in her life and she knows she doesn't want that type of men messing with her mind, body and heart. She was not interested in him and he should please lose her number, dram is what she stays clear off, and clearly he is marinated in it.. He was mortified to say the least, he wasn't expecting any of that he thought he will be able to explain himself,they will laugh about it and pick up where they left off, but she wasn't budging. The acquaintance had ruined things for him, but was it really the acquaintances fault though? Before you get all excited hear me out, the girl only carried out what had been established between her and the guy, she didn't do anything that they hadn't done before, but now because the guy wasn't willing to go down that route with her, he was insulted by her actions, as he was busy trying to win over the affections of a girl he fancied, anyway... The love interest was clearly not impressed and made no secret of it, she wasn't going to be visited by the “ghost of girlfriends/one night stand/booty call past”, she wanted a man she will be proud to call her own, who other women will be envious of her because of what they share, but if a man has slept around, every woman he has slept with believes they have stake on him and if they wanted to, they can just take him away from you. I'm not saying that's the only time some women think that way, but that is a strong motivating factor.

They know parts of him that you wish only you had knowledge of, and although we don’t live in a perfect world, competing with other women for your man’s affections is not something that interests any woman,not only is it childish its heartbreaking as well.. The thought that there may always be girls who pop up out of the wood works just to let you know that they too have once upon a time rolled in the hay with this man you are tightly holding on to, is enough to drive any woman crazy, and we l know us women can get vicious like that. If you were a play boy/ in your younger days, that stigma will follow you around; it will even form part of your description, that’s what some people will know you as, because once upon a time you conducted yourself that way. This we know to be true for women, we get scrutinized for everything that we do and for some reason we are led to believe that women don’t really care if a guy has slept around, when in actual fact we do, women don’t want to build a future with a man who has no self control and self respect, who is easily tempted and won’t think twice about putting you, him and your future in jeopardy.Our President is proof of this, I don't even need to get into that. Whilst sleeping around might get you the “respect” of other men, it certainly isn't a turn on for women, who value more than just sex and appearances in a relationship, and you sure as hell are not going to get their respect because you are a slave to your desires. Just as all men aren't the same, it’s the same for women there are women who care a lot more about how a man conducts himself than his ability to spend money, because a person’s character is the basis of who they are, it is said if you want to know a man, watch how he conducts himself . Well our guy didn't walk away with the girl, but he did say he won’t stop trying as he really wants her in his life as he believes they can build a future together, and during the course of this process he has learned that you have to put boundaries in place that will not only have people respecting you but also respecting what is yours.People will only respect you if you respect yourself and carry yourself in a respectable manner,respect is after all earned not demanded.

Its all love...

When the friendship just dwindles…

Don’t you just hate it when that happens? It’s Saturday night and I’m relaxing with my glass of wine and watching cartoons, mainly because my lil girl is still up, she has until 9 o'clock then its bedtime, that's modern parenting for you, anyway...  The reason I’m writing this article is because I was missing one of my girlfriends and I wanted to send her a message, then I remembered that for some reason she isn't talking to me. Well I don’t have a lot of friends as I like to keep a close knit of friends that I can rely on, and I know that they will always be there when I need them, I don’t necessarily have to talk to them or see them every day but i still hold them dear to me.

I think we have all went through this where you were once so close to someone that you were inseparable to now turning into total strangers, and one will wonder how could you even allow things to go that far, but here is the thing with me anyway, if I know that there isn't anything that I did that could have upset you, I will go out of my way to engage you, and if upon doing so I find that you are not exactly receptive I will withdraw and leave you alone, if you cannot e adult about things and address me on what you feel was wrong doing n my part, why should i jump through hoops trying to get your attention?!. When whatever has upset you eventually fades away then you will talk to me, cause I really don’t understands if we are all grown with kids and husbands some of us, why are we still acting like kids?! Why do we allow petty emotion to get in the way of what we consider friendship?

Whatever relationship you find yourself in you are going to fight with the people that you love, and your hope is that somehow you will always be able to find your way back to each other; the good times that you share will triumph over the senseless misunderstandings that may occur from time to time. It’s hard to establish meaningful relationships the older we get as we are all set in our ways and no one is willing to compromise who they are or what they believe in just to be able to call someone a friend, then shouldn't the natural thing be compromise?! Well I don’t know how things are going to end up with my girl but I hope that one day we will be able to get over this rift, as I hate misunderstandings and the drama they bring with them.

Few things are true in this world and if you find yourself in a position where you have genuine friends that will be there with you through all the trials and triumphs, then you should consider yourself blessed, genuine people are hard to come by and I am not one of those people who just wants friends for the sake of having them.i want quality people in my life, who will contribute to my growth, I believe that the people that surround you and that you let in to your life should be people that will choose first to do more good than harm, people who won’t just agree with all that you do but will be brave enough to be upfront with you when you are tumbling down the path of self-destruction. People who will be to you what you cannot be to yourself when you are not thinking straight, and you are being stubborn about obvious things. I value quality over quantity anytime and when I am able to recognize that in a friend, it’s a quality a hold dear and treasure with all of me. As I sip on some of this wine and watch Snow White, whilst making sense of everything that is senseless, I realize that sometimes you have to let things take their natural course, space is not such a bad thing as it allows us the opportunity to realize what might have been escaping us all along, well that’s if you are present in your life and are sensitive to all that happens to you and through you. Well let me get back to my wine and Snow White, I am sure there's is something IN there worthy of a piece. *sips on some wine*

 It’s all love…

OCD,CSI and all things weird and crazy

I've been thinking lately about the type of person I am, my personality  all the things that excite, unnerve , annoy and leave me speechless.I know for one that I don't mind spending time alone, in fact I  quite enjoy it, this is when I get to regroup, calm down and do some introspection.I guess what I was really thinking about is why do I like the things that I do and choose not to entertain the rest, what influences my decision making and thought processes? Don't worry I'm not about to go into the whole nature versus nurture debate,as  I believe they both contribute to how we behave as people its just the degrees that differ, one cannot be placed over the other as more important I believe. The one with the most influence will determine your behavior to a certain extent, how you see the world, interpret it and relate to it, lack of exposure to new experiences, more often than most is what puts a person at a disadvantage, and "unable" to function in the world.

OK,  Let me break down the title of this blog; first and foremost  I am a Virgo woman and I know you have heard all sorts of things about us Virgo's , at the top of that list is how we suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder(OCD), we all know what that entails, they say that we are anal retentive, we have a bug stuck up our arses, we are picky and hard to please, all shades of negativity basically, positive qualities are hardly ever mentioned in these things.Well the way I see it there's nothing wrong with knowing what you want , how you want it and when you want it, that way you able to apply yourself and yield positive results.You understand the kind of person you are and you are less likely going to put yourself in situations that will have people disappointing you or not living up to your expectations, all this means that you re considerate as you will never expect someone to be what you cant be to yourself, and not only does being specific save time, it makes life a lot easier, manageable.The world would be a much better place if everyone did what they are supposed to do, when they are expected to do it, I believe that people would be more responsible in their actions. I'm not saying that is all that is required to have balance, there's still egos, stereotypes, fear and insecurities to deal with, the complexities that make up who we are.

 Anyway moving right along, one of the shows I love watching on TV is CSI , let me explain why; I'm fascinated by the human mind, how it works, reasons, justifies and accepts all that it does. with that said I find the criminal mind, insanely interesting, the psychotic behaviors that influence how some people choose to interpret their surroundings behave and relate to others in society. There is always a story within a story right, the fine print, the facts that are present but require probing for them to surface. I have always wanted to know what informs the decision of someone who chooses to go against convention, to not only bend the rules but break them, dismantle them if you may, to separate themselves from accepted forms of behavior within a society and rebel. I want to know why would anyone risk being branded a "monster",is there some sort of intense gratification that us mere mortals are unaware of?!. It is often said that at our core we are animals, everyday of our lives we are in character attempting to be human and appropriate, this is why sometimes we act out and do the most outlandish things that unnerve other humans.So these people that give in and go against he grain,  do they do so knowingly, do they make a conscious decision to attend to their every whim or is the childhood development or lack thereof to blame?! Are the situations that happen to us that can exempt us from taking responsibility for the way we behave, where society understands why you behaved he way that you did without passing  judgement of how you are less of a person than the rest of the world?! So this drama series dabbles on that to some degree, crime solving, understanding the mind of the perpetrator  gathering evidence and putting together pieces of a puzzles you didn't even think would be connected, to solve what seemed like an impossible crime from the beginning.

Seeing something being formed out of nothing right before your very eyes, is beyond words,there's nothing like it, its mind blowing or maybe its just me being weird again but with that said I have learnt that weird is good, creepy on the other hand is what unnerves people.I always get strange looks whenever I share this with people, some automatically assume that I'm "disturbed",how can I be intrigued by such? Trust me that's not how I get my kicks,I'm curious by nature, and I get satisfaction from learning, new information and discovery. I just think that its better to understand different things,situations more so when they relate to behaviour and especially if the behaviour in question differs from your own significantly, that way you are better equipped to deal with it instead of acting like it doesn't exist. We are different as people, we each have our limits, things that give us butterflies and those things that give us cramps; a variety of things capture our interest as individuals I just believe there's nothing sinister with sometimes questioning why we like the things we do and why do we hate the rest that we totally shun them and block them from our minds. Understanding oneself leads to a better understanding of others, and understanding leads to tolerance and open mindedness,learning to handle and deal with opinions that differ from your own, matures you as a person,because you challenge your mind, your belief systems and your understanding of the world. Tolerance and acceptance of different situations and people is what we should all work on, the world would be a lot less violent that way, but most times we choose to assume, because fear governs our thought processes. Baby steps right?!

Its all love...

COUPLED RUNNING...

So I decided to go running with Soprano this morning, this was after he ran and finished the JoziRun yesterday 07.10.2012 ,I felt so motivated that I can also run, he was a novice after all and he did it. So when he woke up and geared up, I joined him, I was confident in my abilities that I will be able to take him on. I’m not exactly a couch potato, I do exercise, so I figured I will be able to run nonstop easy peasy.

It’s amazing what you can achieve as an individual  when you decide to step out of your comfort zone and challenge yourself and test your limits, and when you have someone to share the experience with you it’s even better, makes the process that much more exciting. It’s also impotent for a couple to have shared interests, as individuals we both want to be healthy and keep fit, and the fact that we are being parents as well motivates us further, because we want to be able to keep up with our kids.

 OK back to the story at hand, running on a treadmill or getting on one of those Orbitrek machines like i have been doing, is nothing compared to the abuse your body will endure when you decide to go outside and run, where Mother Nature is right there with all her elements waiting on you. I started off well, kept the pace and managed to keep up with him; it felt easy enough everything just felt n sync that was until we had to do the second lap. Here’s the thing with being human more often that most we tend to either underestimate or overestimate a situation, we all have that misplaced ego that lets us believe that we can achieve anything without putting in any effort, we will even go as far as judging someone who we believe in our eyes is not as capable as we are, and base our victory on that. This is the same arrogance that has people voicing their disappointment when they feel an athlete fell short of achieving greatness, bear in mind the person going on and on like this has never made an attempt to run to the corner, let alone the track. So Mother Nature gave that harsh smack back to reality and boy was I mortified.

The second lap shocked my system, my body couldn't understand what was happening to it, this resulted in my legs feeling heavier and heavier and my lungs failing to get the right amount of oxygen they needed to carry me through. At this point I started to realize that I underestimated Soprano’s fitness level and overestimated my ability to run hassle free. I was mad at myself for listening to my ego and no thinking logically, I mean if running was easy everyone would be running the comrades, those that are concerned with their health anyway. Soprano was just gliding; the only thing missing from his face was a smile jut to show how pleased he is with himself, it was just effortless, from my eyes anyway. As I began to slow down he wanted to slow down and run the same pace as me, but that didn't make any sense to me, and I didn't want him to hear me slobbering like a baby, so I did the decent thing and told him to run ahead, I will catch up eventually, I just need to regroup. Then I will be back on my C game,*sigh*.

 It didn't help much that as I ran my shorts kept going up and now they were starting to feel like underwear,*note to self: run wearing tights* so I decided to power walk, regain my strength then I will continue running again. As cars kept passing me by, driving as slowly as they were, I felt demoralized, and Soprano was way ahead now, i felt like crying but I’m not a quitter, I can do this and I was going to. So I psyched myself up, paid no mind to the cars passing me by or the shorts that kept going further and further up my bum and now i was starting to feel violated and I ran. Mind you,Soprano was no longer within sight, this meant only one thing I have to step my game up, my B game was now in gear, I made my way up the steep slope, breathless and sore, and I turned the corner.

 There he was stretching after utterly denting my ego, I ran all the way to our finish line, when I eventually reached him, he high five'd me and said well done. It had escaped me that this was my first run, and I was trying to keep to the pace of someone who had been running for weeks, crazy aint it?! We got in the house, hydrated and the run was done, just like that it was over, those felt like the longest 6 min of my life. I was happy that I ran with him, didn't give up and managed to reach the finish line, much like child birth, during the process the pain is so excruciating that you feel as though it will never end its hard to imagine let alone see the light at the end of the tunnel, but once you are done, the overwhelming joy that envelopes you is priceless. I will be running again with him tomorrow morning, it’s such a fulfilling experience and best of all I get to do it with him. Killing two birds with one stone, the best of both worlds; exercising and spending some quality time before the madness each day brings begins.


 It’s all love.