MOMMY I'M SORE...

 Nothing sends shivers down my spine than hearing my daughter utter those words, immediately my stomach will be in knots and I will jump up to find out what made her sore, only to find out that she scrapped her knee or something minor like that. The reality is that somewhere in South Africa there is a child that cried like that to their parent, only it wasn't just a scrapped knee, they had been violated and by someone they probably knew and trusted, someone they never envisioned would ever harm them. We live in a society where a week won’t go by and one doesn't hear about how a little girl was raped and murdered, quite frankly we live in hell. This had me thinking how does a parent begin to teach their child about rape, how does one “rape-proof” their child against the monsters that are lurking out there but happen to have friendly faces?

As a parent we have the daunting task and responsibility of teaching our kids about sex, what it is biologically, why people have it, the effects it has on people emotionally.Teaching them in a manner that lets them know that sex is not a shameful thing. It is natural act two adults can enjoy when they both consent to it. When you have successfully done this and your child has understanding to a point of what sex is and where babies come from, you now have to explain rape to them.

 There is no set profiling that one can use currently to warn kids against perpetrators, it can be anyone, there aren't any signs to really look out for, as we have seen in recent news, the profile of the perpetrator changes every time, even kids as young as 7 are raping their peers. My mind cannot begin to fathom how that is even possible, not just the act but what would cause a child to resort to such, what is happening in their world?  You now have to teach your kids to be weary of anyone, keep a safe distance, because it’s not just their peers who are possible perpetrators but  people they trust and love too(relatives/family members) as well as  people who are supposed to come to their defense and protect them (police, teachers ,priests). Where do you start, how do you make a child understand all this without messing with their mind? Who should they trust when “everyone” is basically suspect?

 As much as we would like, we cannot always be there hovering over our kids, ensuring that no harm befalls them, they have to go outside and play with their friends, be kids, and locking them in the house is not a solution. We are now forced to live in paranoia just to be “safe”. I cannot even begin to imagine the outrage, disbelief, pain and guilt a parent feels when something as horrendous as this happens to their child. How do you first of all explain WHY this happened, WHAT did they do to deserve such brutality? How does one “normalize” their world once more after such an act has been committed against them, how do you begin to heal when you want vengeance?

When I was a child I didn't understand when I used to hear people say the world is a cruel, cold place to live in, I believed it was an exaggeration of sorts said by people who only focus on what’s negative, but the truth of the matter is that it is not, the violence is not out there somewhere and the perpetrators are not somewhere lurking where they can’t find us, they are living among us, with us, riding in the same buses, trains and taxis as us, watching our every move. The tragic part is having to explain this to kids, who are naturally trusting, we have to explain to them, things we don’t even understand ourselves, I don’t know why there are people who rape, we have been told it’s a power thing, it’s not entirely about the sex. There are just so many variables to it, what breaks my heart is that as a parent I have to start the process of “eroding” my child’s innocence for her own good, telling her there are bad people out there who may have intentions of bringing harm to her, for reasons I don’t know or understand myself. This is what  these monsters have done, they have us doing their dirty work, because they never explain themselves or take accountability for their actions, now we have to lose our minds trying to make sense of why did (they do) what they did. we have to account for them.

I am all for teaching kids that life is not all about sunshine and rainbows sometimes bad things happen beyond our control ,I'm all about teaching them to take care of themselves and to be careful when playing not to hurt themselves (break their arm) or others. But I am not for teaching kids to be careful not to get raped whilst out playing, unfortunately my hands are tied with this one as we live in violent societies , where communicating such with your kids is the responsible thing to do, every parent has to now  “rape-proof” their child. 

The HOW part is what seems to escape me at this point, how do I begin to explain something I don’t understand myself?! How do I tell her that there are people who have no understanding of what the word NO means, and such people will most probably not heed her plea for mercy, where do I begin?. As a woman I live my life trying not to be a victim of a violent crime, so far it hasn't happened, but  for how long will I be so “lucky” I have no idea I haven’t “brought’ any harm unto myself? That’s what we are teaching our kids isn't it, it’s their responsibility to ensure their safety, and if it happens that they are victimized, THEY dropped the ball, “they allowed” the crime to happen. This is the burden the weak and defenseless carry, until when I ask, until when? When will the guilty be held accountable ad persecuted without us first making excuses for them? Until such a time comes, the onus is on you!