I want you to want me….

I’m going to be bold and say exactly what lies in my heart, what I carry with me in my spirit. I’m going to go right ahead and expose myself to you, be vulnerable without shame, undress in full view of your love or judgement. I’m going to let go off all the fear that overtakes me whenever this thought, that I should open up crosses my mind.  The thing is…I want you to want me.

I want you to want me fully and wholeheartedly without a flicker of  doubt, I want you to wake up and want to be enveloped by all that is me, the essence that embodies this body and  houses my spirit. I want you to want me. 

 I want you to want me when I am   amazing and seem to have positive vibrations reverberating through me… I want you to want me when I am a mess, and I seem to doubt all the things that rang true to me yesterday…      I want you to want me

I don’t want you to need me, for the mere fact that needs are ever changing depending on the circumstances at hand, I want you to want me because wants are selfish and bold , they reveal the true nature of  man, whilst needs are considerate, somewhat safe and misleading… 

I want you to want me

I want you to want me for I will be your deep seated desire since time immemorial what you lie awake at night hoping to one day conquer, whether you were able to act on this yearning or not would be of no importance because, I would be what you have always wanted, and this will always be true to me. This desire will be rooted in your loins for that reason it will always be with you.  I want you to want me because that will be a conscious choice you make over a selection of many others; you will say to yourself she is who I want to have and to hold when I’m sure or uncertain of life’s many things.

As I say these words over and over in my head, as they continue to be engraved in my heart and spread across my entire body with every breath that I take, I have no other choice but to let you in on the secret…

I want you to want me, equally but not less than I want you.

I want you to want me

RELAX ITS GOING TO BE OK…

Why do we get so irritated when things don’t go away? Why is it that as human beings we get frustrated over the things we cannot control? We put ourselves under so much pressure.  Well hey maybe because we believe we are masters of the universe, the world is our oyster right? . When you go on about in your way and things don’t pen out the way you had envisioned, how could you have possibly known that the outcome will lead to heartache and pain? Of course you didn't, you just did at the time what made sense to you, otherwise why would you set yourself up like that? 
There are so many things in life that have left me exhausted, exhausted because I had gone over them over and over asking myself how  could I have been so DUMB?

I mean it was obvious that to anyone with a brain that “THIS” will not work out!!! WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING!  What I failed to realize during this “you are such a moron session” was that the reason I was able to point out the errs in my judgement was because I was not the same person I was when I acted “stupidly”, I had shed that skin, I was a new being now, I had grown and matured, and this was evident because I was able to look back and question the motives behind my actions.  I had gained new powers and had new insight; I had new formed understanding of who I was …

The only problem was that I couldn't realize the strength that was brought on by those moments of weaknesses or errors in judgement, because I was beating myself up for not knowing what’s going to happen next. How insanely arrogant is that? In the grand scheme of things who the hell am i?  I will always be thankful for the day I stopped judging myself and treating myself unfairly, it was as though a load was lifted from my shoulders, I was able to look myself in the mirror and see me for who I was not the mistakes I had made, I started to look at myself through my mother’s eyes, you know how your mother will love you regardless and see the best in you even when you fail?! That wisdom that mothers have come with years and years of trial and error, they know through miscalculations and misguided actions that in the end things always work out, Stop beating yourself up. I began to love myself, really love myself, not the idea of me, but the person I was within when I’m not trying to fit into societal molds It’s amazing what self-love can do, it can open you up to a world you never knew existed, a world where you are human.  Human in a sense that you are not a supreme being, you don’t have all the answers, at any given moment the only thing you can do and are able to do is your best, nothing more, nothing less.

Sometimes we choose to do less than we are capable of doing because our hearts are not in whatever is keeping us busy at the time, so our focus is in turn split. One of the things that have been revealed to me during my quiet moments is that we always, always know what’s best for us, the only problem is that often times we ignore what we know for sure, we suppress our needs so that we can please others or gain favour with the masses, then we go out of character.  Sometimes you haven’t really experienced life, therefore you are unable to connect the dots, for instance you should know that if you want to have kids that will, let’s say help you in your old age, you should take care of them now, nurture them and shower them with love, teach them about love and generosity through your actions, when they are older they will be to you what you were to them.   You will be able to cultivate from them what you planted…That is the connection.

The wonderful thing with being human is that we are blessed with a functioning brain that is able to think critically, the only catch is that you have to train it to think all the time, to question, probe and seek knowledge far beyond what it can currently comprehend. It’s OK that you don’t have all the answers that the only thing you know for certain is that you are alive at that present moment, as I’m writing this that’s what I know for sure , that i am alive, what I choose to do with this knowledge is what the world looks at and in turn judges us on. The mere existence of this knowledge counts for nothing, if I am not willing to use it to my advantage, I don’t even have to have special abilities, those I can learn along the way, what is needed is the willingness to learn , to be teachable to improve.

Everything in the world came into existence because someone thought of it. They thought about it and set on the path of making this thought tangible, they didn't have a crystal ball showing them exactly how things were going to pen out for them; they just went with what they knew for sure in their hearts. The recognition by the others is purely coincidental, because one doesn't always get recognition for their efforts, this shouldn't deter you from bringing forth what lies beneath, when the moment is right and the stars have aligned the accolades will follow, it’s just that sometimes you may not be alive to busk in the glory, you fulfilled your purpose, its legacy will be the spoils enjoyed by your seeds.

Part of the reason life is so stressful is due to the fact that we want to control every single aspect of our lives, we want to know what is going to happen next, we want to strategize our next move, macro manage everything life throws at us, and wonder why we are bodies are  imbibed with aches and pains. We forget to just BE, lead a life of always doing, we are encouraged to be movers and shakers, to be thought leaders, to develop new ideas and be innovators, but no one is encouraging us to just BE.  It’s all good and well to be great but sometimes you just need to be...BE ALIVE..BE HAPPY… just BE and breathe.

You know that feeling of relief you get when you breathe in and out, and let go of every single thing that you have been carrying with you along the way? That feeling of release that is what being human is at its most basic level. Inhaling in the goodness and exhaling what no longer serves us, now we do the opposite we breathe  in some good and  we  forget to  exhale what we no longer require., over time our system begins to slow down, because it can no longer function at its optimum  level, all the baggage we have as nooks around our necks begins to suffocate us, our breathing starts to get shallow as a result, we experience pain with every breath taken , we get sick, burn out, fall into a depression,  we in turn resort to using substances to help us cope but somehow nothing changes.  Nothing will change until such a time we let go of all the toxins (in whatever shape or form) harming us. 

Letting go is by no means giving up, letting go is a gift of freedom you give yourself to say did my best, and at this point I don’t have the knowledge or the resources to handle THIS, when I know better I will do better. For now I have given it my all, I need to regroup, remove myself from the situation and see if I won’t gain new insight, and during this process , the words that you should be murmuring to yourself as you try a new path is that RELAX ITS GOING TO BE OK… A phoenix rising always rises from its ashes, with no scars or blemishes... ;)

SOLVE FOR ....

Ever look at life and think to yourself there must be a mean kid pulling the strings and undoing everything that I tried to do? Why does it seem like part of being a human being and figuring this life thing out can be compared to trying to solve a Rubik’s cube and you happen to be blindfolded? Being a human being is made even more difficult by the fact that we refuse to be who we truly are, so we wake up each morning and put on a performance, We can barely manage or control our emotions, we don’t always know what we want, and when we do figure out what we want, it’s because someone else convinced us that, that’s what we need …what is up with that. Obviously this is not everyone there are individuals who have make a conscious effort every day to be true to themselves and their dreams despite what society dictates.

 I often wonder what other creatures that perhaps have a superior intellect in comparison to us think when they are looking down on us (this is assuming that such exists).the reason I say looking down is because humans look down on animals, we believe we matter, we are above them, and our abusive and negligent behavior is proof of this, Very few of us see them as living creatures. As humans we are able to make distinctions between human and animal behavior, and when a fellow human being doesn't act in accordance with what other humans deem appropriate behavior, we label such a person an “animal”. This is not always a fair assessment as animals possess greater emotional intelligence that a lot of humans are without.  Half the time I would rather deal with animals that people because animals unlike people will never switch up on you, there will never be a time where a sheep will eat meat. Human beings are one thing today and tomorrow they are something totally different. I know a person adapts to situations as they play out, but I’m most certainly sure this by no means entails being a chameleon

The problem with us humans is that the world is at our feet we are spoilt for choice, variety is most definitely spicing up our lives. We are always looking for the next big amazing, mind-blowing thing that will complete and fill all the voids that form part of our makeup. Voids that are there on purpose and the only way each of us will be able to fill them is by being real with ourselves. There are so many nooks and crannies within every single one of us, where the truth about what is making us empty lies embedded, but because so many of us are not yet ready to go searching in those nooks, we want everything we lay our eyes on, hoping that it will fill the voids and we won’t have to make that trip to faraway land.

 The newly acquired piece doesn't always fit the puzzle, if it does it’s only momentarily, the feeling wears off and we find ourselves right where we started. We are known to want what others have not because of need, just so they are not the only ones in possession of whatever our eyes saw, now you have what the other person has but you are still unhappy, it doesn't paint your soul with all shades of wonderful. You remain empty. people who let go of worldly possessions and choose to live much simpler lives have been reported to lead fulfilling lives, they  care about the needs of others and realize that we are all connected ,and as such our paths will cross from time to time, so the best thing that one can do for their peace of mind is to live in harmony with others, to give only of yourself what will be useful to others, to be kind to yourself every day and to make a concerted effort to heal the places in you that have experienced unkind treatment in the past, to remind yourself that , you matter, write it on a wall somewhere in your house if you have to. To learn a new skill and follow through with every single thing you start no matter how small or insignificant I may be, if it’s important to you that’s all that matters, other people should cheer you on or render support, whatever you require of them. Celebrate each success, get lost in the moment and allow it to envelope you, do not dismiss it as we often do and last but not least give yourself permission to be happy, you are allowed.

WHAT DOESN'T MAKE ME STRONGER, KILLS ME RIGHT?!

There is a saying that we are all familiar with which states, “that which does not kill you, makes you stronger” what happens then when “that “which is supposed to make you stronger doesn't? What are you then left with for strength? Unfortunately for us, strength is not sold in bottles, and one doesn't always have an oversupply of it, our wells are usually overdrawn more often than not. One finds themselves always having to reach deep within, trying to draw out more, meanwhile you are running on empty. What do you do then when you have used your supply, for the day, week, month or even year?  When you can’t “JUST BE STRONG” you cannot “DEAL” like people on social networks usually suggest? You are spent. So my question is if the things that are meant to make you stronger don’t, do they kill you instead?

I picked up a copy a newspaper sometime back and one of the articles they ran, was addressing the issue of suicide and depression among  South Africans, the myths, misconceptions and the reality of things. There is a general assumption that suicide spikes during the festive season, which is not the case according to South African Depression and Anxiety Group; it is suicide season all year round in South Africa”. This article also stated that South Africa has one of the highest suicide rates in the world; we are ahead of US AND UK. Such reports can’t be shocking at all if we take recent news reports into consideration our beautiful land has been turned into a blood bath; people are killed, assaulted, mutilated and raped daily. Violence has become a permanent fixture in our everyday lives.  It’s really disheartening that we live in a society where a person who is in trouble cannot say, HELP ME, I’m in trouble, I’m sinking, I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

This had me wondering, are we without effective coping mechanisms/skills/tools as people? And if that is the case how come these skills are not taught in school or shared like people do with recipes? Whenever I hear that someone has committed suicide I always wonder , what could have been so terrible that this person couldn’t find someone, anyone to talk to about what they are/were going through? How can someone see suicide as the only option they have to get out of whatever difficulty they are facing? Society is to blame obviously, I believe as a person you should never find yourself in a position where you believe ending your life is a solution, death is so final, there is no coming back from it, once it’s done it’s done, why then would someone see this as an alternative?  I know life is not exactly a fairy-tale a lot of times it pushes us around, I can never fully understand the psychology of suicide, but I do know that it shouldn't be happening; by the way this is not me judging. The sad thing about suicide is that the pain doesn't end soon as the person has taken their life, those that are left behind carry the pain with them every day of their lives.

We have become so selfish and centered around our own lives as people that being involved in someone else’s life and checking up on them is too much of a  bother, people have their own troubles to get through and overcome, how then can they help you to make sense of things, when they too feel overwhelmed ? It is said that when you talk about what is troubling you, you have halved the problem, but modern society seems to say otherwise, when you share your troubles with someone, you should know that you have just broadcasted your troubles to the whole world, of course this is not the case with everyone, there are still reliable people out there that one can be vulnerable with without judgement. Social media is a tool people use to make light of issues people go through each day, we laugh about things that don’t affect us, and make those who are troubled feel bad for even having worries in the first place. As a consequence people are now forced to behave as though they still have everything under control; meanwhile they have reached their breaking point. Opening up emotionally is just too costly.

Depression can be brought on by a number of factors; not being able to cope with challenges, feeling isolated from ones immediate relations or having no sense of belonging could be one of the many reasons. People who end up committing suicide were depressed for weeks or months on end, and those that are close to them, mistook it for moodiness or attention seeking behavior. It’s not always easy to tell the difference between possible alarming behavior and someone having just a bad day, but when the ties are strong between people it doesn't make it all that difficult to see when something is wrong or troubling someone, you just have to stop long enough to realize.

I know it’s not as clear cut as I am making it out to be, there are always grey areas, what I am highlighting now is that it’s not always the death of a loved one, chronic illness or witnessing a heinous crime that causes people to take their own lives, people have been known to take their lives because they were bullied at school. I am by no means making light of the psychological impact bullying has over the person that has been bullied, it is very traumatic, but the end result of being bullied shouldn't now be suicide.

On the other hand it’s comforting to know that there are people who still seek out help outside their immediate circles by making use of the services institutions such as SADAG offer, they try again to find help. The comfort and peace of mind of reaching out to someone who doesn't know you by name, you can bear your soul and talk about what is troubling you as it is, without feeling the need to make light of a dire situation, there are no come backs, you won’t have details of your life splashed all over social networks with no sensitivity whatsoever, whatever you share is in confidence. We all know how families tend to use what you have said to them in confidence against you, especially when there is a fall out between you and the person you confided in. Sadly most families don’t even know what depression is and they don’t understand why anyone would want to kill themselves, because of this they tend to be dismissive and unforgiving. We are expected to cope and be in control at all times, when we fall short of this we are chastised, and made to feel unworthy. The downside is that when people find themselves in desperate situations they tend to act desperately, they feel cornered and as a result end up making permanent decisions because of a temporary situation. The aim of this article is to say, weakness a lot of times can be masked as strength, we are incapable of being strong all the time as people we should therefore be able to rely on our loved ones when we find ourselves in this kind of situation, because more often than not what doesn't kill us doesn't

always make us stronger, sometimes it damages us.

ARE YOU HAPPY WITH YOURSELF???

This is Rea in the picture , my 2 and half year old (terrorist) who is full of life, vigor and fire, a true Arian. see just how happy and unapologetic she is with how she is feeling ? When I took that picture of her she was really, really happy, so much that she was drooling, but she didn't care about what i thought she continued to laugh. 

Ever take the time to ask yourself this question? "Am I happy with myself?" That's a line from one of Beyonce's songs titled "PRETTY HURTS" that songs speaks to a lot of things we tend to ignore and overlook as people while we busy with our to-do lists (listen to it when you get a chance) I  decided to ask myself this question, "Am I happy with myself ?" Am I happy with what is happening in my life, with how things are going, with the person I am becoming?! I believe this is a question we all ought to be asking ourselves, sit down quietly, comfortably and think about your state of happiness as it stands, currently. How do you feel about you outside of things and other people? It is important that you are really honest with yourself in this regard, you have to block everything else out, YOU should be the  main focus. 

 A lot of times we tend to associate happiness with things that are outside of us; forming attachments, belonging to a circle, purchasing something we have been coveting over for months. we have reduced it to acquiring and hoarding things, its not about that, far from it really. This is why feelings brought on by these things are fleeting, compelling us to go searching again for the next IT thing. 

I believe that when you have peace within, when all is well with your soul , your mind is not racing , you are not anxious or stressing about anything , you have an attitude of gratitude, you are closer to ultimate happiness than most people. Now for the cherry on top, surround yourself with people who challenge, encourage and cheer you on, this is the next next step to getting yourself to a state of true happiness, forming attachments with solid people who are free of toxic negativity that erodes the soul. Boy are those hard to come by, the world is filled with people who think being sad is a thing, sadness has been trending for years now.

Spend time alone, quiet the mind and listen to the voice of God (insert dramatic music here), yes the voice of God. The voice of God for me is the answers I receive when I am alone, silent , lying down and just breathing. controlled breathing is a hallucinogen of note, try it sometime, the natural high is unmatched. Anyway,  I found that I find the answers to questions that have been plaguing my mind without even trying when I am in this state. Its as though I can hear a voice whispering in my ear, telling me exactly what it is I need to do to overcome whatever obstacle standing in my way. This is when I then realized that God does speak to us all the time   we are just too busy to slow down and listen. We fill our lives with clutter and senseless chores that take away from living ,we just go through it.

With a change in attitude, mindset and how we treat ourselves, relate to others and contribute to the world, happiness is within reach. We don't have to act like we are OK, and hope that no one interrupts our performance as we immerse ourselves in sadness. Soon as you open your door, the sadness of the world is right there to greet you and fill you with despair, you don't even have to search, pain will find you. This is why its important that each of us, define what happiness means to us individually, without making the opinions of others points of reference we always consider before we make a move, to be bold enough to listen to our hearts and pursue our passions. Passions mirror to us what our souls need to be happy, this is why we find such fulfillment when we pursue them. So be honest with yourself, search your soul, forget about whats on the outside for a bit and tend to your inner being.

Nurse your heart, nurture your soul and nourish your mind with what brings you peace, then you would have unlocked the key to happiness. You wont have to look to others to do that for you, they will be adding to what already exists. 

Its all love :)

When you're alone all by yourself (pretty hurts, pretty hurts)
And you're lying in your bed (pretty hurts, pretty hurts)
Reflection stares right into you (pretty hurts, pretty hurts)
Are you happy with yourself? (pretty hurts, pretty hurts)

You stripped away the masquerade (pretty hurts, pretty hurts)
The illusion has been shed (pretty hurts, pretty hurts)
Are you happy with yourself? (pretty hurts, pretty hurts)
Are you happy with yourself? (pretty hurts, pretty hurts)

WHO ARE YOU SLEEPING WITH???

Did you read the caption on the picture, do you believe it to be true?? Think about this for a sec..When you meet someone new and they interest you, and you start to imagine how being with them intimately will feel like, what are the key factors you take into considerations? Do you ever wonder about that person’s aura, their energy or the karma that they are carrying around or are you just mesmerized by the aesthetics?

We are told that the minute you have sex with someone you also sleep with everyone they have ever slept with and their energies also become part of who you are. That is such a hard pill to swallow, a hard truth if you may, now you start to wonder why things aren't going your way, everything just seems to be going wrong and you always have this deep heaviness that you can’t attribute to anything specific. You know deep inside that you need a cleanse of some sort, detox the system maybe you will feel renewed.

 When things aren't going your way do you ever think that it could because of all your sexual escapades? There is always energy being transferred in our daily lives, when you partner embraces you, for the rest of the day you will feel on top of the world, they have shared their positive energy with you. The opposite happens when you fight with them, you will be affected by their negativity, the tone for the day will be set by that one experience and from then on everything will seem to be going haywire. Unless of course if you consciously change your mood, either through music or by calling friend and ranting about your partner to them. The negative energy has to be transferred.

It makes sense then that when you sleep with someone who is karmically loaded, you absorb all that baggage they are carrying with them and it now forms part of who you are.  It fills up the crevices within you that have been left empty, molds itself to the contours of your being and settles. I have learned in the years I have dealt with human beings outside of my parents realm and influence, that there is more to a person than meets the eye, we are not defined by our physical attributes only, there is the spiritual, the mental and the emotional states that should also be taken into consideration. Everything is connected; this is why stress can make us physically ill and for healing to occur the body must find its balance again, you need to quiet the mind, meditate and the back pain will go away.

It’s funny how we are so weary to let strangers through the door to our houses, but we don’t seem to mind as much when it comes to sexual partners.  Very few of us think of it as a merging of souls, we allow others to invade our being for a roll in the hay. Think about it this way whenever you met someone and the two of you didn't gel, it’s because your auras couldn't blend, your energies were not on par with each other. This is why you couldn't open yourself up to them, it’s not a coincidence it’s your spirit warding off what could possibly be turmoil that will leave you worse off than you were to begin with. In conclusion  word to the wise always listen to what your spirit tells you… your third eye is not limited to physicality, it penetrates the soul.

Always remember you are a spirit in a physical form…

It’s all love…

Fitness Manifesto Launch...

We have seen on the NEWS in the past weeks various political parties launching their Manifesto’s. Manifesto's  full of vague promises on how they are going to improve and better your life.We all know that a lot of these manifesto's make promises that will never be fulfilled, well at least not in this present lifetime, maybe we might just have to wait for the coming of the messiah to see any feasible changes. :)

...anyway enough politics  :p

well with that said let me too launch a manifesto, that doesn’t make empty promises; a well rounded manifesto that address all areas of your life.

A healthy,well rounded  person somewhere out there  in the world drew up this manifesto for all of us who want to really better and improve our lives. This is a manifesto you can trust in friends ; with proper implementation you will definitely see changes in your life. I for one know that working out is not always easy, there are days when you just feel like a worm and all you want to do is lie around, or sometimes life just happens and there isn't much you can do.These lifestyle changes afford you the freedom to have off days, to know that even if you cannot make time to workout that day, a healthy lifestyle is now part of who you are.

So stop doing yourself and your body a disservice and invest in your health. Health and fitness should become paramount the older we get because we become we begin to lose our agility, this is why we have to help our bodies along. Its the little things that you can do that will contribute to overall good health, going through this list you will see that you DON'T have to do the impossible to live healthy you just have to live in the moment, be aware of your choices (conscious living) and stop going through the motions .  So if there's anything you will be voting for this season let it be health and fitness; a well nourished body, a healthy mind and a happy soul :)

VIVA!!! :P

There it is, I AM one hell of a mom, the ecards people have declared it, if it’s on the Internet then it must be true, everybody knows that. Sticky floors, messy kitchen, laundry pile, dirty oven and HAPPY kids. That was the state of our little haven when we all walked in from work and school yesterday, after the long day I had I was hoping that I will open the door and someone would have deployed an army of elf's to go clean my house, to my disappointment the house was still in the messy state I left it in the morning, and nothing quite says welcome home like everything being all over the place. *teary eyes*

The funny thing is that when I walked through the door I was actually shocked that the house was THAT dirty, I couldn't understand it. The day had kicked my ass that much that I now had dissociative amnesia. So I got in grossed out by how messy "we “ (Soprano &the girls) all are put down my bag amongst the clutter and went to the bathroom in search of strength, it must be hiding in there somewhere, cause as I stood there I was running on empty. There is something about dirt and the sound of little girls high pitched voices that just doesn’t go together, the dirtier the house is, the louder their voices seem to get in my head, at some point it felt as though the two of them were sitting on my shoulders screaming into my ears, good gosh where’s my glass of wine…

As luck would have it there’s no wine in the house, adding further insult to injury, there goes the last bit of strength that was hanging on by a thread… ahem. I felt my knees getting weaker as I walked to the kitchen to put on the kettle to make coffee for us, driving out to go get wine pretty much feels like another a chore at this point, we just want to sit down and worm out. Luckily we had leftovers from last night so I needn't worry myself with preparing dinner, there's enough for everyone to eat, and as it turns out I am not particularly hungry. I don't actually ever worry about dinner lately, unless if I want to prepare something special, Soprano usually makes dinner while I sort out everything else, WINNING. Also on the weekends that I work, I come home to a cooked meal and a glass of wine, another WIN.

The reason we are all subjected to all this torment is because I don't have a helper anymore, somewhere in between the course of us working together she thought that I was her employee, don't know when did that role reversal happen, or when the wires got crossed but quite frankly I wasn't happy with the arrangement. I won’t lie life would be a lot easier with a helper but I would rather have peace of mind and a messy home any day than a clean home that comes with a helper with a bad attitude . My OCD will just have to be strong and deal shem. I am not averse to the idea of getting a helper, I am just going to pray about it for a couple of weeks and ask God to please send me someone who will stay in their lane, can’t be constantly up in arms with someone who is supposedly helping me…so for now I just have to deal.

The house is not always in this state as my work days are flexible, actually its rarely like this, despite the fact that there’s an unruly soon to be 2yrs old and an opinionated 4 ½yr old roaming around, otherwise I would have lost my mind a long time ago. I cannot function in clutter, I need everything in its place marked, labelled and facing the right way, but since I have them and their darling father I don’t always get my way, so I find myself most of the time. As luck would have it  I don’t work Monday to Friday thank the Lord, so I am able to be home some days during the week and just sort everything out and the kids are at school, so that’s like vacation time for me.

The house was finally clean, laundry drying on the rail, kids sticky free and  already sleeping.Even though my energy levels were totally depleted and we didn’t  run the day off like we had planned, we still found some other ways to sweat it out, now that’s the kind of mess I don’t mind J, the kind of mess that makes for very HAPPY and relaxed parents, and that my friends is the true definiton of …WINNING!!!

 

WHAT DOESN’T MAKE ME STRONGER…KILLS ME RIGHT?

There is a saying that we are all familiar with which states, “that which does not kill you, makes you stronger” what happens then when “that “which is supposed to make you stronger doesn’t? What are you then left with for strength? Unfortunately for us, strength is not sold in bottles, and one doesn’t always have an oversupply of it, our wells are usually overdrawn more often than not. One finds themselves always having to reach deep within, trying to draw out more, meanwhile you are running on empty. What do you do then when you have used your supply, for the day, week, month or even year?  When you can’t “JUST BE STRONG” you cannot “DEAL” like people on social networks usually suggest? You are spent. So my question is if the things that are meant to make you stronger don’t, do they kill you instead?

I picked up a copy a newspaper sometime back and one of the articles they ran, was addressing the issue of suicide and depression amongst South Africans, the myths, misconceptions and the reality of things. There is a general assumption that suicide spikes during the festive season, which is not the case according to South African Depression and Anxiety Group; it is suicide season all year round in South Africa”. This article also stated that South Africa has one of the highest suicide rates in the world; we are ahead of US AND UK. Such reports can’t be shocking at all if we take recent news reports into consideration I our beautiful land has been turned into a blood bath; people are killed, assaulted, mutilated and raped daily. Violence has become a permanent fixture in our everyday lives.  It’s really disheartening that we live in a society where a person who is in trouble cannot say, HELP ME, I’m in trouble, I’m sinking, I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

 

This had me wondering, are we without effective coping mechanisms/skills/tools as people? And if that is the case how come these skills are not taught in school or shared like people do with recipes? Whenever I hear that someone has committed suicide I always wonder , what could have been so terrible that this person couldn’t find someone, anyone to talk to about what they are/were going through? How can someone see suicide as the only option they have to get out of whatever difficulty they are facing? Society is to blame obviously, I believe as a person you should never find yourself in a position where you believe ending your life is a solution, death is so final, there is no coming back from it, once it’s done it’s done, why then would someone see this as an alternative?  I know life is not exactly a fairy-tale a lot of times it pushes us around, I can never fully understand the psychology of suicide, but I do know that it shouldn’t be happening. The sad thing about suicide is that the pain doesn’t end soon as the person has taken their life, those that are left behind carry the pain with them every day of their lives.

We have become so selfish and centred around our own lives as people that being involved in someone else’s life and checking up on them is too much bother, people have their own troubles to get through and overcome, how then can they help you to make sense of things, when they too feel overwhelmed ? It is said that when you talk about what is troubling you, you have halved the problem, but modern society seems to say otherwise, when you share your troubles with someone, you should know that you have just broadcasted your troubles to the whole world. Social media is a tool people use to make light of issues people go through each day, we laugh about things that don’t affect us, and make those who are troubled feel bad for even having worries in the first place. As a consequence people are now forced to behave as though they still have everything under control; meanwhile they have reached their breaking point. Opening up emotionally is just too costly.

Depression can be brought on by a number of factors; not being able to cope with challenges, feeling isolated from ones immediate relations or having no sense of belonging could be one of the many reasons. People who end up committing suicide were depressed for weeks or months on end, and those that are close to them, mistook it for moodiness or attention seeking behaviour. It’s not always easy to tell the difference between possible alarming behaviour and someone having just a bad day, but when the ties are strong between people it doesn’t make it all that difficult to see when something is wrong or troubling someone, you just have to stop long enough to realize.

I know it’s not as clear cut as I am making it out to be, there are always grey areas, what I am highlighting now is that it’s not always the death of a loved one, chronic illness or witnessing a heinous crime that causes people to take their own lives, people have been known to take their lives because they were bullied at school. I am by no means making light of the psychological impact bullying has over the person that has been bullied, it is very traumatic, but the end result of being bullied shouldn’t now be suicide.

On the other hand it’s comforting to know that there are people who still seek out help outside their immediate circles by making use of the services institutions such as SADAG offer, they try again to find help. The comfort and peace of mind of reaching out to someone who doesn’t know you by name, you can bear your soul and talk about what is troubling you as it is, without feeling the need to make light of a dire situation, there are no come backs, you won’t have details of your life splashed all over social networks with no sensitivity whatsoever, whatever you share is in confidence. We all know how families tend to use what you have said to them in confidence against you, especially when there is a fall out between you and the person you confided in. Sadly most families don’t even know what depression is and they don’t understand why anyone would want to kill themselves, because of this they tend to be dismissive and unforgiving. We are expected to cope and be in control at all times, when we fall short of this we are chastised, and made to feel unworthy. The downside is that when people find themselves in desperate situations they tend to act desperately, they feel cornered and as a result end up making permanent decisions because of a temporary situation.

"YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL" OOOH THANK YOU...SO ARE YOU.

We know that all too well don’t we? Someone pays you a compliment and instead of you just gracefully saying thank you, you grin and say “thanks, you too” cause you want to be nice right?! Or you quickly dismiss it by saying “eish wena mare” like it’s nothing or it doesn’t mean anything to you, and just like that you have rejected love and appreciation without even bating an eyelid, such a pity.

It’s also this thing of teaching people how to love or do anything by instilling fear or inflicting pain, our socialisation is flawed from the onset. We are taught to feel bad about ourselves, to downplay our achievements or to be apologetic  about what have, how else can you explain the knee jerk reaction to negativity so many of us have soon as positive energy is directed our way? Having kids will show you just how much society impacts and affects how we see ourselves, what we believe we are worth and how we accept abuse just because we have been led to believe that we deserve it.  They live in the moment, appreciating each warm gesture and always spreading love, they live their truth.

Okay back to the topic at hand before I start going on and on about my girls, here goes…What is so difficult with saying “thank you, I appreciate it” instead we go on and on about how “it’s nothing”  even if it means the world to us , we say things like “this old thing, I’ve had it for years”  while referring to  something that is far from looking raggedy  and last but not least “I am actually not that good at this, you should see so and so...” when someone praises our skills and abilities.

The amazing thing with all these behaviours that do nothing except to make us doubt who we are and always question what we know, is that they are universal, and now because of technology negativity is already up and about before you have even brushed your teeth waiting you to log on to the world. I can’t help but wonder though, who teaches us that we are not worthy? Could it be that the reason we have such a negative knee jerk reaction to compliments is because we don’t hear them enough from home, so when you hear them outside of home, they are foreign to us? Does accepting a compliment translate into vanity? Does it make one an ego maniac to say “yes I actually worked hard on this therefore I deserve to win” is the line between self –confidence and arrogance that thin that things tend to get blurry?

One thing that womanhood has taught me is that I have to always try to recognise and appreciate my efforts, I have learned to accept compliments and not feel the need to “be nice” if that wasn’t my intention in the first place at the time. Don’t get me wrong, I am not implying that it’s wrong to pay back a compliment after someone has paid you one. But there is nothing as nauseating as a half arsed compliment accompanied by a fake smile, where it even appears as though the person is suffering from diarrhoea as they say it, that is just painful to watch and so unnecessary.

I do believe however that we need to learn to radiate positivity, to consciously unlearn what we have been taught by people who didn’t/ don’t have the faintest idea how a positive self-image affects a lot of things. It is through these small but collective efforts that we will be able to change our society and influence the world. So the next time someone pays you a compliment relish it, take it all in and say with the broadest of smiles thank you, then keep quiet.  You don’t have to pay back a compliment, and you don’t owe anyone anything just because they paid you a compliment, learn this know this engrave it in your heart and mind. Go out into the world spread the love it usually doesn’t cost a lot…LOL ;)

MEDITATION! I have been saying for years how I want to learn how to relax and meditate, quiet the mind and just breathe. A number of times I found myself sitting there in my imperfect Chinese pose-trying to relax, first of all it’s pretty hard to try to relax when you are sitting in a position you or your muscles are not used to, now your focus is shifted and you keep thinking how uncomfortable you are feeling. When you finally manage to sit, without toppling over you already feel like you have been trying to meditate for too long now, so you quit and make plans to try again either later on or tomorrow.

See unlike stuffing ones face with junk, lazing around on the couch and being a major worm, training the body and mind doesn’t come easy, it requires effort, and a lot of times this effort takes its own time to show results and as luck would have it we want quick fixes. So waiting it out is not for the faint hearted or the weak-willed. It’s quite amazing though how hard it is to quiet one’s mind and just breathe there is always something we are thinking about, fretting over or calculating, one hardly ever gets a chance to just sit back relax and allow all thoughts to dissipate. Our attention is always required be it urgent or not, someone always needs you for something, whether you like it or not. I don't even think we actually know how to, I don't remember being taught how to relax, I do know though that people will keep on telling you "you need to relax" but they never go into detail, just how you are supposed to do that.

I have decided that this year, this month, from now on... (No, this is not a resolution) I am going to learn to relax, breathe and let go, I am going to connect to my spirit and just find inner peace-Kung Fu Panda style. I think the key to meditation and relaxation is letting go of the control and power we "need" to have over things, people and situations, when you are able to do that, then you can be able to quiet the mind and be at peace. I’m going to start now after I’m done posting this and see how relaxing my jaw, straightening my back and breathing helps me relax, then again that may prove difficult seeing that I am not in an environment conducive for meditation. Nonetheless I’m going to try, that is the first step to everything that later proves worthwhile right?! With that said let me get to relaxing, I suggest you do the same and remember to breathe.

usaaahhh!!!

 

TANGLED...TWISTED...NOT PERFECT!

This is one of the coolest things I have seen this year, and I deemed it fitting that I share it with all of you, especially now that the year is beginning and we have all these dreams, hopes and aspirations we are all working towards. I have decided that I am going to print this and put it on the fridge, that's the best place for me because we open our fridges every passing moment, so every time you either open it or walk past it, you will be reminded of this wisdom. This is one of those things we need to be reminded of , because we tend to forget about these lessons even though we know them.

This also reminded me of the heart rate monitor at the hospital, where when the line is just straight it means there is no more life in the body of the person laying there, meaning life was meant to have tangles; we were meant to grow and overcome, and the only way we can do so is if we learn to untie the knots that try to block us. Its in our genentic make up, we were not made to run away from trials and tribulations, when we should be manouvering thorough the twists and turns that attempt to throw us off course. Go against the current and all that jazz.

If things are a bit tangled right now and you believe success is out of reach, do not despair, you are actually on the right track learning all the skills and tools you will need again later on in life to untangle whatever dream you will be working on at that moment in time, this life is a journey, one can never be done living out their dreams , we can never be done birthing and bringing forth process in us that haven't even germinated as yet, so keep on keeping on, when you get tangled up, know that there is a way out,there is always a way out.

May 2014 be nothing you expected it to be, may it challenge you, in ways you had never imagined, and may you grow in all the process that reveal who you are and may you be bold enough to live your truth, afterall this is just a ride, dont let the downs weary your sensitive soul and dont let the highs go to your head. Live!!!

Its all love...