ITS ALL ABOUT YOUR NEEDS AND WANTS...NOTHING ELSE!

Its about that time of the year again when we look to the future with starry eyes, so optimistic about what the New Year is bringing #BLEH.Who still has time and energy to come up with a list of things theydont wanna give up? Frankly I am tired of lying to myself.I mean we tend to focus too much on what we want to do next year instead of tomorrow, cause that's really what New year is at this point tomorrow. We draw up lists of things we have zero intentions of ever working through or towards because that's what everyone else seems to be doing, so you don't want to be the odd one out who seems not to have a future "PLAN" now you carrying this burden into the New Year of other peoples expectations. STOP,Don't do that to yourself, so much time has been wasted trying to keep up, duplicate, mimick, be like other people. ENOUGH!

So now establish what your needs and wants are,what I want and need in my life may be what you dont even think or dream about, which is fine, your needs and wants represent you. If you have to put a time frame to working on them (BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO), but make sure that they are in accordance with  1.who you are currently, at this point in time( state of mind, emotional health, well being) 2.determine what you are capable of doing now (strengths, resources,abilities). Its always easier to work on things that don't require things that are outside of you first(money, other people), find the most realistic, simplest and easiest way(s) of reaching your goal(s). Its important though to take note of all the things that you achieved this year that you were not even thinking about/planning, all the things that "sort of happened", the little changes you have seen in yourself, the progress you have made with issues you used to struggle with. Those are the thing that matter, the things we ought to look to instead of trying to fit into a mould.

At the end of the day " you can plan a pretty picnic but you cant predict the weather"
 you don't have to have all the answers (be like Sway) LOL... Allow yourself to live, dream, be bold in who you are, who knows what will happen then. Last but not least be merry, toast to your dreams ( the ridiculous ones that others don't know about)  usher in the New Year being happy, forget about everything else that is not as it should and celebrate what is. Happy New Year peeps!!! Be safe.

WALK AWAY FATTY...

How hilarious and direct is this message?! I came across this today whilst I was busy on the net (avoiding work ) feeding my obsession of working out and just generally being healthy. If anyone was to go through my search history on the web, they will probably think Im some boring middle aged woman because  I am either trying to learn something new, finding out new realeases on book, or the quickest way to burn 100 calories in 5minutes, every minute counts when you gotta run a household and spend time with your loved ones.So when I saw this picture I thought I should share it.

 I don't know about you but  I believe if one was to have this on their fridge especially during this time of the year, when the only thing people are interested in is eating and drinking,it may help to curb the regular trips to the fridge, the letters should be in BOLD RED. Dont forget all the people that are going to invite you to their soiree to split bread and drink the night away,  you may convince yourself that when you eat at someone elses house the calories dont count, contraire fatty, every bite counts...This then means you should also have a reminder on your phone to alert you every hour that you should put that drumstick down...LOL. Theres nothing wrong with a little indulgence, the problem comes in when that becomes the norm, and you don't burn as much as you consume, before you walk out the door you take a detour to the fridge.

So here's a Lil advice to those who are health conscious and trying to lose a few kilos, remove everything else from your fridge door (this includes your kids abstact drawings) and put up  a poster written WALK AWAY FATTY!!! This is just to supplement the work that you are doing and to ensure that you don't go a overboard this festive season, and if you are not planning on do any working out during this time, you probably need to put this poster on the pantry door as well just as a safety measure.  Dont let this get in the way of you enjoying the festive seasoon but do remember whatever you consume in December you carry it with you to January :) Happy nibbling kiddies, the stuggle continues!

MOMMY I'M SORE...

 Nothing sends shivers down my spine than hearing my daughter utter those words, immediately my stomach will be in knots and I will jump up to find out what made her sore, only to find out that she scrapped her knee or something minor like that. The reality is that somewhere in South Africa there is a child that cried like that to their parent, only it wasn't just a scrapped knee, they had been violated and by someone they probably knew and trusted, someone they never envisioned would ever harm them. We live in a society where a week won’t go by and one doesn't hear about how a little girl was raped and murdered, quite frankly we live in hell. This had me thinking how does a parent begin to teach their child about rape, how does one “rape-proof” their child against the monsters that are lurking out there but happen to have friendly faces?

As a parent we have the daunting task and responsibility of teaching our kids about sex, what it is biologically, why people have it, the effects it has on people emotionally.Teaching them in a manner that lets them know that sex is not a shameful thing. It is natural act two adults can enjoy when they both consent to it. When you have successfully done this and your child has understanding to a point of what sex is and where babies come from, you now have to explain rape to them.

 There is no set profiling that one can use currently to warn kids against perpetrators, it can be anyone, there aren't any signs to really look out for, as we have seen in recent news, the profile of the perpetrator changes every time, even kids as young as 7 are raping their peers. My mind cannot begin to fathom how that is even possible, not just the act but what would cause a child to resort to such, what is happening in their world?  You now have to teach your kids to be weary of anyone, keep a safe distance, because it’s not just their peers who are possible perpetrators but  people they trust and love too(relatives/family members) as well as  people who are supposed to come to their defense and protect them (police, teachers ,priests). Where do you start, how do you make a child understand all this without messing with their mind? Who should they trust when “everyone” is basically suspect?

 As much as we would like, we cannot always be there hovering over our kids, ensuring that no harm befalls them, they have to go outside and play with their friends, be kids, and locking them in the house is not a solution. We are now forced to live in paranoia just to be “safe”. I cannot even begin to imagine the outrage, disbelief, pain and guilt a parent feels when something as horrendous as this happens to their child. How do you first of all explain WHY this happened, WHAT did they do to deserve such brutality? How does one “normalize” their world once more after such an act has been committed against them, how do you begin to heal when you want vengeance?

When I was a child I didn't understand when I used to hear people say the world is a cruel, cold place to live in, I believed it was an exaggeration of sorts said by people who only focus on what’s negative, but the truth of the matter is that it is not, the violence is not out there somewhere and the perpetrators are not somewhere lurking where they can’t find us, they are living among us, with us, riding in the same buses, trains and taxis as us, watching our every move. The tragic part is having to explain this to kids, who are naturally trusting, we have to explain to them, things we don’t even understand ourselves, I don’t know why there are people who rape, we have been told it’s a power thing, it’s not entirely about the sex. There are just so many variables to it, what breaks my heart is that as a parent I have to start the process of “eroding” my child’s innocence for her own good, telling her there are bad people out there who may have intentions of bringing harm to her, for reasons I don’t know or understand myself. This is what  these monsters have done, they have us doing their dirty work, because they never explain themselves or take accountability for their actions, now we have to lose our minds trying to make sense of why did (they do) what they did. we have to account for them.

I am all for teaching kids that life is not all about sunshine and rainbows sometimes bad things happen beyond our control ,I'm all about teaching them to take care of themselves and to be careful when playing not to hurt themselves (break their arm) or others. But I am not for teaching kids to be careful not to get raped whilst out playing, unfortunately my hands are tied with this one as we live in violent societies , where communicating such with your kids is the responsible thing to do, every parent has to now  “rape-proof” their child. 

The HOW part is what seems to escape me at this point, how do I begin to explain something I don’t understand myself?! How do I tell her that there are people who have no understanding of what the word NO means, and such people will most probably not heed her plea for mercy, where do I begin?. As a woman I live my life trying not to be a victim of a violent crime, so far it hasn't happened, but  for how long will I be so “lucky” I have no idea I haven’t “brought’ any harm unto myself? That’s what we are teaching our kids isn't it, it’s their responsibility to ensure their safety, and if it happens that they are victimized, THEY dropped the ball, “they allowed” the crime to happen. This is the burden the weak and defenseless carry, until when I ask, until when? When will the guilty be held accountable ad persecuted without us first making excuses for them? Until such a time comes, the onus is on you!

WOMAN vs FOOD... fighting the BULGE!

You shout in frustration I swear to God if I have to tuck this tummy into my jeans one more time I’m going to scream, pull my hair, lose my mind or die, gosh I can’t deal. Funny thing is the frustration is not enough to make you do anything about this flabby chunk of skin you hate, you have actually found ways to deal with it, and you buy clothes to accommodate it. You just hate saying how much it frustrates you so that other people know that you “can’t stand it”, and you are “trying “to do something about it, even if you are not. I am yet to hear someone say I swear to God if I have to jump up and down like this , just so I can button these pants without passing out I swear, I’m going to start running, I’m going to work out, I’m going to watch what I eat... I have never. We just love being frustrated I suppose that is enough effort.

 Then there’s those women who don’t work out, because they have “accepted their curves” they love themselves as they are, who are you kidding honey?! Well we are all curvy one way or the other, just in different places. Curves as I understand are boobs, hips and booty, that’s what people refer to when they talk about curves.  A bulging tummy is NOT a curve, it is excess skin that shouldn't be there, because it messes the beautiful female form, it hides your waist, which is one of the defining features a woman has.

To a point I know how it is having a big tummy, if pregnancy is anything to go by, it’s uncomfortable, and finding flattering clothes that highlight your other features whilst hiding the big tummy is a mission. I know having a tummy and being pregnant are two different things but its close enough, as some women don’t lose the pregnancy look years after the baby has been born, the baby fat remains. We will all hear about how she wasn't always this big, it’s the baby, 5 years down the line, Proof that we all hate the bulge. Question is then why do we choose to go on crash diets, skip meals, wear body suits that promise to accentuate our best features whilst hiding the bulging parts we don’t want everyone else to see?! Why do we go through all that drama,why fake a flat stomach and a toned booty? Well you may fake it during the day but at night you have to deal with your true self as you are, you will have to undress and let everything loose, you have to breathe after all, and those things can be unkind on your diaphragm. Why do we delay the process with contraptions that waste our time, instead of just dedicating two years of our lives to health and fitness, two years not 3 months? 

Then when you see a woman who has form and definition(from working out) you don’t have to detest how she looks, well because,  she unlike you is lucky, you look the way that you do due to your genes, you are big boned (no such thing). You quickly forget about your love for cupcakes and creamy doughnuts, how you can’t resist bacon slap chips, besides why should you stop eating what you love just because it’s apparently  not healthy for you? Why should you care about the snide remarks some people make about your weight, you are not bothered (even though you lash out)you love yourself and you have accepted who you are flaws and all…and if you really wanted to lose the weight you can do it anytime. Yeah right!

It is said that a 6 pack is made in the kitchen, which simply means you can work out all you want if you are not going to change what you eat, good luck reducing that waistline. I know that we don’t all have aspirations of having a 6 pack, but I do know for certain if someone was to tell us about a pill that you take for a week and it dissolves your tummy, there will no stock left on the shelves, because we know as women that a flabby tummy is not only unflattering it is also uncomfortable.  The majority of  us women do not want to exercise to achieve a flat tummy, if the money allows it we will even go under the knife, if only they didint leave all that excess, undesirable skin behind.

Wanting to look good is not about being attractive to the next person, being attractive is subjective and its differs from person to person, this is why you have to do it for yourself so that even if the object of your attraction leaves you don’t fall off the wagon, you continue looking after your body and doing what is best for it. Exercising is NOT easy to say the least, it takes commitment. You first have to convince your mind to get on board with the idea of straining your body just to have it looking a certain way.  Then you are have to watch what you eat, you have to make sure you don't consume more than you burn off, to avoid sugar and above all have limits. Know your body, do not over indulge. This is a total change in lifestyle, you now have to change your relationship with food, what it means to you, establish why do you eat more than you have to,  how you relate to food, this differs for every woman. Do you eat only for nourishment, and indulge every now and then, do you eat when you are bored to pass time, or do you eat to deal with stress and whatever emotional/personal issue? Know yourself .Therapists often say an addiction to food is one of the hardest and most challenging to overcome, because unlike alcohol and drugs we NEED to eat, we cannot live without food, basic need and all that. It won’t be easy know this, even people with petite physiques have to work their butts off if they want chiseled ABS, so why do you want it to be easy for you? 

I  personally I work out for health reasons, I don’t want to be dealing with chronic illnesses in my 40’s that seem to be the norm with our people, if I din inherit it from my parents I don't want to attain it on my own. So I would rather deal with the stress now in my 20’s than live a Eina, Eina life later on. After all it is said life begins at 40, so my body has to be on form so that I can enjoy every bit of it, keep up with my girls and not be out of breath after going up a flight of stairs, and I just hate how a flabby stomach looks, that's what motivates me. Best of luck to you, it can be done just remember you just need 2 years, don’t rush it , be kind to yourself... Maybe in two years I will have a 6 pack myself , here's to us.... 

It’s all love…

People are NOT God.

Where do I even begin with this, the beginning is always good I suppose and no I don't just mean Genesis. You can calm down this is not a piece about me trying to convince you to believe in a God who doesn't exist, for this purpose he exists for me(he has always existed) It is also not about Kanye :) *shrugs*. It is said that we are made in his(God) image, we are like him right?! So is that only like a physical(looks) thing or do we also embody his personality and attributes? It is said that God loves us because of who he is, not because of our works(what we do/don't do), that way we cant go around boasting and saying "I did this, therefore, God loves me more than you".  See its my understanding that he knew that its one of the flaws we human beings have, bragging; but were do we get that from we are made in his image aren't we? So aren't we being like him?!  See where I'm going with this, or is IT one of the things we picked up along the way towards adulthood, anyway, lets move on.

With humans its different, you have to do certain things, be a certain way for someone to love you, you have to appease them and if you fall short, well you can kiss that love goodbye. Humans don't love because they are loving beings, they love for selfish reasons, well most of the do, actually the majority do, and the few that actually love because they are loving people, no one talks about it (them) or even believes it. We will actually go out of way to discredit such, to look down on it and even call the person delusional. We were taught to be suspicious, to always look for faults even when there's no need, to punish just so we can establish if the person was sincere all along or if they were just taking us for a ride. I read somewhere once that if you want to experience true love as a person , you should have a baby, WHAT? Yes, babies/kids know what true unconditional love is. When I first read this it went over my head cause I was just thinking about it superficially, I didn't seek clarity first, cause that means then I wanted to understand and at the time that wasn't my objective, I wanted to discredit it, because it just sounded crazy to me, first of all what to babies/kids know about love.

We assume as parents/adults twe teach kids how to love, which is not the case.For those of you who don't have kids let me explain, since I have kids. Children are born loving, they do not bear any grudges, they allow themselves to express every emotion they feel as it happens, if they are angry with you trust me they will tell you all about it, they will call you out on what you did, and even tell you to ask for forgiveness, so that the two of you can move on with life. They understand that love cannot be expressed in a place of hurt, when you are in pain, that becomes your centre of focus, you divert from your true nature, which is to be loving, so once you deal with the hurt you can go back to being your true self, amazing isn't it?! If you happen to cause them to cry and they walk away from you,the minute you call them they will come with their arms stretched out,embracing you, the same person who caused them pain, now tell me is that how you would act if someone angered you?. Situations or events don't dictate their love for their parents  (caretakers), just because they feel a certain way or they do not like what you did they do not hold that against you and now start rationing their love towards you, they deal with issues as they arise. Soon as that incident is over, they have moved on, they will be laughing and giggling as though  they were not crying a few seconds ago, and I can reassure you this is no fake laughter that is masked by resentment, it is from their hearts, sincere and filled with love

Even parents don't have this kind (cause they were taught by adults before them, to shun love)of love otherwise we wouldn't have cases were parents have disowned their kids, because the kid refused to be who or what their parent was modeling them to be from infancy,they decided to be true to the image they were created as, not the remodeled version . The older we become the  increasingly self serving we get, we use our love as a bargaining tool, we use it as bait, to hurt others,we have long diverted from the image we were made in. Deep in our hearts we know what love is, because we are love you see just like God , because God is love, its the tapestry that holds all the loose and flawed ends that make us who we are together. So depending on what we think about love at any given moment, when we feel it we start to question and rationalize it in our heads why this cant be it, we use what we have been taught by misguided adults and friends as a reference point, instead of going on what we know deep within to be true. People who are true to themselves are called crazy by the world, because they ARE, they are crazy enough to birth what dwells within them, to stay true to the image they were created in, that means they trust their intuition (God) and they are true to it and in-tune with it, and that is the one thing we have been taught to doubt. I suppose we have to make room for regret and remorse right?! Things that would be non-existent had we remained true to our Godly nature, part of what makes this being human ride all that annoyingly fun, and we have to fit in and not stick out among others, cause we want to be accepted and all that right???.


Its all love...

Simple bare neccesitites...

This is something I came across on the net and I thought it was pretty neat; it’s simple yet holds such a powerful message. I am going to share with you how I relate and understand these words. The first word is TRUTH, the one thing we all claim to want in our lives, we want people to always be honest with us and tell us the truth, but when they share a truth we are not yet ready to deal with we lash out and distance ourselves. There is nothing wrong with seeking the truth, I'm all for it actually, the truth will opens doors that you didn't even know existed, it broadens your horizon and expands your mind, and if you are willing, it may even change you. Usually your reaction will determine whether you grow or remain stagnant.

The second word is FREEDOM, a basic human need I say. The freedom to be anything and everything you want to be, the freedom to be you without fear of judgment or rejection. This is another thing we claim to want as humans, we dream about it. Plan for it, and even see ourselves living it. Freedom carries with it the burden of responsibility, whilst you are busy living, one should bear in mind the rights and needs of others. You cannot be totally free until you can help free another; we are connected after all, by time, relations and situations. When you discover a truth that sets you free from whatever chain, that was binding you, it is your responsibility to offer the same courtesy to your fellow men, how they use it is entirely up to them. You would have done your bit, started the process to self-actualization. Whoever chooses to be free should realize that, with freedom come tolerance, variety and options. When each person is on their path to self-discovery, they may choose an alternative route to yours, one that you may not agree with, support or even be able to live with, and when you come to this realization, remember to practice tolerance and understanding, and stay clear of judgment and condemnation.

The third word is BELIEVE, a word that usually gets  lot of flak because it is confused with religion, I believe that every human being has to believe in something far greater than them, something that inspires them to do more and be more, something that compels them to change, touch lives and give off themselves to others. Whatever forces that drives and motivates you to be a better version of yourself, to learn to fly without wings and soar to greater heights, to be daring, fearless and confident. Believing in something is not always easy, there will be outside forces that will derail you, make you question what you thought you knew, and fill your mind with worry, anxiety and doubt. Be prepared to fight tooth and nail for what you believe in, for you will be taken to task. When your mind is right and you have your ducks in a row, whatever problem you might come up against you will be able to tackle head on and come out victorious.

The fourth word is CHILL, take a breather, relax and just appreciate each moment. With the struggles and hassles of everyday life and trying to survive, taking time out to smell the roses is a luxury most cannot afford. Life will have you in a tail spin trying to make the ends meet, that everything else in between is deemed unnecessary and self-indulgent, but it is good for your soul that every now and then you take time out to just be, to get lost in your world and discover yourself or work on yourself. To take in all that nature has to offer and find your place in it, for the body to perform all the duties, the world expects of it, the soul and mind have to find peace. You have to block out the noise and just be. Recharge and refuel, so you may be able to meet your obligations and life's duties.

The fifth word is DREAM, we hear this all the time, never stop dreaming and believing in yourself and your goals, if you work at something long and hard enough, eventually it will pen out. Sometimes you might have to go back to the drawing boards and rework your dream, but you should never give up. I know it’s easier said than done right, I mean there is only so much rejection a person can take but I have learned that if you don't view it as rejection, but failure of others to envision what you do, then you won’t give up on yourself or your dreams. There will always be naysayers but if you nurture what is most important to you, you will be able to focus on that and block out the noise of everything else that doesn't serve you or your purpose. Daydream, see it in your mind’s eye, then bring it to life, only you hold the key to that.

I am RUNNER...

This is what you look like after you have given your all to the streets, after you have released every inch of energy within you to enable you to move forward and make it to the finish line. Exhausted, energy depleted, wondering why you put yourself through all that, but glad that you did.

There is nothing like running, and before you start running you will never know the feeling, one feels fearless when they run, like anything and everything is possible, and whenever I lace up my shoes , I know that there Is a personal victory that awaits me. I run my own race, every time I go running I challenge myself to do better than I did before, to be stronger than I was yesterday and to not let doubt, overcome me.

I know that I have to let go of all that holds me back and give in, into running, succumb to the power that dwells within and allow it to take over, envelope me and strengthen me. This is a lifestyle choice I want to practice well into my old age, and also be able to pass it on to my girls. We will be a family that runs together, a few things are that precious. When  I started running four months ago, I would have never imagined that it would have brought me so much pleasure, seeing myself move from strength to strength as I  increase my pace has showed me that its not about how slow you start, its about the willingness to do it in the first place, not over thinking it, just doing it.

 I went from having to psyche myself up to go running to now, lacing up and running 5km without even giving it a second thought and for as long as I have mobility the streets will remain my gym, I will lace my shoes and lose myself to the freedom that comes with letting go and just being one with your inner self. Running!

pieces of you...

My mind keeps showing me images of you, as though I have met you before, there’s a certain familiarity I feel every time I’m confronted  by who you once were, and still I do not know who you are. I feel a shadow cast over me and envelope me, with a comforting sincerity, a promise that all is going to work out in the end, I can’t help but be apprehensive because deep inside I feel as though I’m losing my mind.

  Our paths have never crossed yet our lives are intertwined, I see pieces of you whenever I walk passed a mirror, and I’m almost certain it’s your shadow I always see whenever I channel my mind’s eye. 

I keep wondering and asking myself if maybe I have met you, the problem is I just don’t remember where and when. Logic fails me whenever I try putting things into perspective, could my mind be failing me or is my heart trying to channel my mind and remind it of the splendor it once knew.  You haunt my existence, each day I am consumed by the thought of you and I feel your penetrative force trying to make a home within me and dwell there for eternity. Feelings of what could happen if I just let you stay a little longer are what propels me to keep letting you in, my curiosity keeps getting the better of me. 

What if I let you in and I lose who I am?! I’m afraid that one day you are going to be too powerful l for me to ever resist. There’s a certain emptiness I feel whenever I don’t engage you, or entertain thoughts of who or what you could be or mean to me. My soul yearns for all the lessons I know you carry with you, the wisdom of things past that I still need to learn and still I’m perplexed by how I can feel so close and still not know who you are to me.

I look for you in all that surrounds me and try to find pieces of me there, there’s an overwhelming need  I have to make this connection, I need to bring you out to life, maybe then my  mind will know peace.  I hope the next time you creep up on me you will show me more than a silhouette, I hope that you will turn around and face me, maybe then I will know you have a part of me that has remained dormant all these years and now wants to be brought to life, or maybe you could be the fire that burns within and is tired of being extinguished, so you want to set my world ablaze and open my eyes to the burning flames of possibilities. How do I open myself up to you and convince my mind that you are what my heart needs? The pieces you have revealed to me aren’t worthy of me trusting you with who I am, even so I can’t shake this feeling that I need to connect these pieces of you, only then will my mind find rest... For now I’m still haunted by pieces f you….

How to keep a clean house...when you have growing kids?

Before you have kids, you will think that such statements are ridiculous , a little exaggerated and plain crazy, that is until you are raising young kids. Trust me when I say your house will look like it has been custom designed by a 3 year old, form the crayon markings on the wall, the countless toys that lace your floors to the fingerprint stains that are all over your furniture, windows and mirrors.

The thing with kid is that they are sticky, and whatever they come across will be left sticky beyond comprehension. I have made peace with the fact that our home will never be in the state I want it to be, it will never be as neat, tidy and organised but it will be livable, I suppose that's what being a parent is all about, letting go of things that don't really matter for precious, priceless things of value. You are afforded an opportunity to see yourself through your child's eyes, to learn from them new lessons and old ones that you have forgotten and to rediscover the world, and even though its excruciatingly painful stepping on a toy laying on the floor, you realize that those are some of the things that make a house a home, so you don't lose it .

One day I will have a home free of creative designs of my kids and I cant help but wonder when that time comes will I be happy and relieved that I finally have things my way, or will I miss the innocence that sparked that creativity in the first place, I guess we will just have to wait and see, for now my girls design living spaces...

Its all love...